We were sitting around the office one day up in the Pan Handle of Texas. As a group of Type "A" personalities will do, we were telling stories with one upmanship. The guys started telling me that Bigun could eat more than anyone. I threw out that i bet Bigun couldn't eat 10 double cheeseburgers from McDonald's $1 menu in 30 minutes. Everyone said i was crazy and the $20 bills came out wanting to back Bigun. Ricky threw out he would bet anybody that Bigun couldn't do it. The bets were made and the date was set for the next day at lunchtime. It was on like Donkey Kong.
While we were sitting there someone pipes up, " you want to lose any more money with your stupid bets?", naturally me the gambler that i am i threw out 2 more bets. I says I'll bet anyone anything that they can not drink 1 gallon of milk in 15 minutes and keep it down for 1 hour, and no one can eat 10 saltine crackers in 1 minute with nothing to drink. As you can imagine the arguing was on. I was told i was on the crack and fixin to lose my ass. I said bring it on. Well one guy steps up and says he can drink the milk if it's cold. No problem says me. We will call him the Milk man. I ask what's the bet? He wanted to bet his $20 against my $50. I'm in. Milk Man decides he wants to do it right now. I run up to the Allsups, buy a gallon of ice cold milk and return. Milk Man goes through this exhibition of loosening the lips, clearing his throat and farting to make room for the milk. He grabs the milk and as soon as he takes the first hit we start the timer. He is just chugging away and he thinks he has the bet won. about 10 minutes into the drinking he realizes that he is not going to make it. All told after 15 minutes he only drank about half a gallon. It is hard to do. Now that i think about it, he never paid me. It was worth it to see him get sick from that milk. I know that it is almost impossible to do. Last summer Ricky bet me i couldn't do it. The science behind it is that when you get that gallon of milk in your belly, it will curdle and make you sick. When i did it i drank everything but about 6 ounces. What i drank i kept down but it was hard to drink that whole gallon. It is a safe bet.
The next day I'm at the office and they call me and say that Bigun is on his way, get the burgers. I load up and take off to McDonald's and order 20 double cheeseburgers. Remember this is a very small town of about 12,000 people. The owner of the McDonald's is there and he ask me what i am going to do with 20 double cheeseburgers. I tell him about the bet and he said" Bring him in here and i will keep feeding him burgers until he can not eat no more. I want to see how many he can eat". I call the shop and tell them and everyone comes up to the McDonald's to watch the eating exhibition. We even special ordered the burgers to Bigun's liking. It was really fun because the owner of the McDonald's started passing out cheeseburgers and he was just giving them to us. After all was said and done, Bigun didn't eat the 10 in 30 minutes and Ricky cleaned up with his bet.
Well while Bigun was eating his double cheeseburgers, this new we hired like 5 days earlier said he could eat the 10 saltine crackers in 1 minute with nothing to drink. I wish you could see this guy. He is about 5'10", young about 20 years old, real fancy hair do and thinks he is better looking than Brad Pitt. We will call him Pretty Boy. Pretty Boy is insisting that he can do it but doesn't have any money to bet. I look at him and say " I'll bet you a crew cut that you can't do it". Now this made Pretty Boy stop and think. He places a lot of value on his Doo. He agrees to it. I give him 10 crackers and he is ready. He puts 4 in his mouth and then realizes that he s getting a free haircut. You see, when you put 3 or 4 crackers in your mouth, it totally absorbs all your saliva and you can not swallow. It is impossible to eat those 10 crackers. Needless to say Pretty Boy lost.
We load up to go back to the shop and we are hootin and hollerin like wild injuns ready to scalp pretty boy. He tells out secretary that he is having second thoughts about the free hair cut. She politely tells him that there is no way he is leaving that shop without that haircut and if he didn't want to get hurt he better just take it like a man. He did. We happened to have a set of clippers laying around. You never know when something like this comes up. We cut his hair and left him a top knot and two puffs on the side. He looked like Krusty the Clown. It was hilarious. Pretty Boy paid his bet and is still with us. He is a keeper.
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2 comments:
i gotta say that the saltine challenge is pretty fucking hard, but there are methods to make it more doable. my favorite is to put them into piles, the first and second with four in each, and the last pile with two. you start on the left and go through. with some practice, i managed to do eight in the alloted time. if you work up to it, you can do all ten, and clean up some pretty bets.
my girlfriend (5'6" (ish) and around a hundred pounds) can actually do the saltine challenge, and she doesn't even have to work up to it.
funky, huh?
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