17 June 2011

Advice of the day

Never, never make eye contact with anyone when eating a banana.

So true

16 June 2011

Flower porn

A pastor gets false teth

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.

The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t talk for more than 8 minutes.

The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.

But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife’s teeth in and couldn’t shut up…

15 June 2011

Onward and upward

Well, I managed to complete my studies and graduated with an associates degree in Business. I also managed to maintain my 4.0

I have since completed one semester of my upper division classes and i must say they are a little bit more challenging. I recently completed Finance which is entirely based on TVM (Time Value of Money). It wasn't very fun. A whole damn lot of calculations and such.

All of my business core classes are completed so the rest of the classes are the cool stuff. I am currently taking Big Ideas in Science so we get to talk about evolution and other stuff. This should be a fun class to argue in.

So wrong, but funny

We have a guy at work who has been dating the same girl for about eight (8) years. He just doesn't want to commit. We keep harassing him about but he just will not take the next step. So, we decided to help him along.

A couple of the guys gathered up a few engagement ring brochures and placed them strategically in his truck. Sure enough, the next day his girlfriend got in the truck and found one of the brochures.

She automatically assumed he was looking for an engagement ring and she of course announced her excitement. This put ole boy in a tight spot.

After he explained that the guys were playing a joke, he called everyone at the shop and cussed them out.

It may have been wrong, but it was funny as hell!!!

02 June 2011

Weight update

Since i have started my new lifestyle, i have lost 105 pounds. I started at 347 and got down to 242. i flucuate between 245 and 250. I have manged to keep it off for over a year so i think i got it beat. I haven't decided if i want to lose any more or not.

Can't stay out of trouble

Last Sunday, my wife's family had a little get together. Some of the family was in from Alaska so they all decided to have a pot luck gathering. I must say that this family can cook. It is worth going to just to eat!!

As usual, i only know the family that lives local so my Father-n-Law was introducing me to the family that i have never met. I learned that i have several titles according to FIL. I was introduced as "That no account son in law, my coonass son in law, and that guy my daughter drug home". Nice to know you're loved ain't it.

Well, my wife introduces me to cousin "skinny" (real names have been changed to protect the innocent). It seems that cousin skinny is an anorexic. I have never met one before.

A few hours later i was sitting alone and i started giggling. My wife and FIL come up and asked me what was so funny. I said "I'm gonna go up to cousin skinny and tell her that her ass is getting big"

From that point on i was not left alone. It seems that not everyone shares my sense of humor.