30 October 2007

So true

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see..... our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands.
Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 10 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

my favorite joke

What do all battered women have in common?

They don't know when to shut the hell up!!!!!!

26 October 2007


My brother wants to get a tattoo. I think he should consider this one.

Computer dating

It would suck if this happend to you, right Ricky?

You aint gonna believe this

So i am sitting out on Uncle Bill's Super Shitter power Squat a little before sunrise. It was too dark to read the paper so i am thinking about the fun we will have today. As i am sitting there, a squirrel was playing in the trees above me. I am watching the squirrel and he is watching me. I am thinking, Damn i wish i had my rifle with me.

A few minutes later the squirrel ran down the tree and stopped about a foot away from me. He stands on his back legs, cocks his head and is just staring at me. I stare back and then say " What the hell are you looking at?"

The squirrel cocked his head the other way and said " What you doing?"

Me "Taking a crap, why do you ask?"

Squirrel " What is that White roll beside you?"

Me "Toilet paper"

Squirrel " What do you use it for? It looks like it would be great to line my nest with."

Me " We humans use it to wipe our butts after we crap"

Squirrel "Why?"

Me " So we don't walk around with poop on our butt all day. Don't you squirrels wipe after you poop?"

Squirrel "No, poop doesn't stick to our fur"

Me, so i grabbed the squirrel and wiped my ass with him.

A few of my toys

Does a redneck shit in the woods?

We call this the Uncle Bill's Super Shitter Power Squat 5000. He had t to fit in the reciever of his trailer, dug a hole and viola, we have a crapper. You had to bring your own reading material. When your done you have to kick some dirt on it to complete the transaction.

Our Campsite

22 October 2007

Propane cannon, nice fire and brass balls

This is a 16.4 oz can of propane purchased anywhere. Make sure your sound is turned up. It was wild.

Texas Soldiers

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban."

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out, "One Texan is better than a hundred Taliban soldiers."

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan voice calls out, "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters a thousand fighters and sends them over the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire rings out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Finally one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap.

There's two of them."

21 October 2007

I am back

I have to tell you this was one of the best trips to the lease that i have had yet. We spent a week out there and didn't break anything. That is a first. It started raining on Wednesday but we managed to get out. The menu this year was phenomenal.

Friday night - everyone arrives at the lease and we set up camp. Wild Bill has a smoked brisket. We heat it up and have brisket sandwiches for dinner.

Saturday - breakfast as usual. French toast, eggs and 3 pounds of bacon. For dinner we had two de-boned chickens stuffed with boudain and we smoked them. My Uncle got them at the Sausage Link in Lake Charles. Best damn chicken i ever ate. Awesome. We also stuffed some jalapenos and Anaheim peppers with pineapple cream cheese and wrapped with bacon.

Sunday Night - Chicken and Deer Sausage Gumbo cooked by my Brother. He did such a good job that a couple of us had Gumbo for breakfast the next day.

Monday - Mexican day cooked by yours truly. Start of with eggs and corn tortillas. For dinner i cooked Fajitas. Beef fajita meat with loads of bell peppers and onions. Served with some "Ricky Beans". I use pinto beans and cook in them about 2 pounds of kielbasa. they are awesome.

Tuesday Night - Nephew cooked Goose Sauce Piquante in Red Wine sauce. It was awesome. Nephew is 17 years old and cooked a speckled and snow goose. A damn fine cook for a 17 year old. Boy has skills.

Wednesday Night - The mother of all Cajun food cooked by my Mother. We had Catfish Courtbouillion in a red and white gravy, Craw fish Etouffee and Fried Catfish. Aunt Teri made Bread Pudding and Mom made Cajun Cake. I ate until i almost busted. Wow, what a meal.

At this time i can only recall one unplanned event that happened. After we all get beered up, we decide to take the jeeps out for a run. We are out in the woods running these old trails, drinking beer and having a good time. Nephew was with me in my jeep as we fought to keep the damned spiders out and Uncle Bill and Wild Bill was in the other jeep. We are tooling along this trail that i thought i knew and i made a left turn an ran into a creek. The jeep made a sudden stop and we were at about a 60 degree angle looking down. I regroup and we hit the gas and manage to get across the creek. Coming back was another story. After trying unsuccessfully to get back across the creek, we had to have Uncle Bill pull us out. That particular creek proved impossible to cross without help. it was fun.

11 October 2007


I will not be posting for about a week. I will be in Louisiana chillin at the lease. We have all sorts of mayhem planned and we are expecting some nice explosions this year. We never know what the beer fog may bring so we must be prepared for anything. I am ready. see you in a week.

10 October 2007

Bush messed up this time

El Presidente made a major mistake. He denied the State of Texas a proper killin. Check out the link: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,300686,00.html

I will summarize it for you. 15 years ago a Mexican National named Jose and his gang raped, sodomized and strangled a 14 and 16 year old girl one evening. Jose was convicted and sentenced to death.

After Jose was convicted he found out that he had the legal right to seek help from the Mexican consulate. Mexico took the case to the International Court of Justice and they determined that Jose needs a new trial under the Vienna Convention of 1963 to which the United States is signatory.

Well, well, well, what do we do now? If the US turns it back on the Vienna Convention and goes forward and executes Jose, any American overseas may be punished if they ever are accused of a crime. The country they are accused by may deny help from the American Consulate. On the other hand, Jose killed two Americans in Texas and should be held accountable for his actions.

Naturally the parents of the slain children are outraged that El Presidente has sided with Mexico. Actually i don't think Bush has sided with Mexico, he is just trying to follow the law.

I can not wait to see how this one turns out.

Do you think Bush should have stopped the execution of Jose?

A couple of jokes for you

What does hitting on a lesbian and hitting golf balls at a driving range have in common?

There both good practice and there isn't any pressure.

What does a fat women and a brick have in common?

Sooner or later they will both get laid by a Mexican.

08 October 2007

Another one

Another entry under You ain't gonna believe this:

I went to Walmart to pick up some tire slime. There was gallon of it and the price read $18.88. I decided i wanted this and went to the self checkout. The Slime rang up $29.99 so i called an attendant over. What do you know, English is not her 1st language. She says " You do not want this?"

I say " I want it for $18.88" She apparently couldn't do nothing so she went and got her Manager. I explained to the manager that the shelf price was $18.88 and it rang up for $29.99. The manager and i went to the tire department to verify if i was lieing to her. The shelf price was $18.88 for 128 ounces. She looked at the jug of Slime and looked at me with this smug look on her face and said " That price is for 128oz and this jug is 3.8 liters, that is the difference"

I gave her the dumbest look i could muster and asked " How many liters in a gallon?" She didn't know so i showed her on the jug where the volume was 1 gallon/3.8 liters

She was still lost. She said again that the $18.88 was for 128oz and the jug was 1 gallon. I couldn't help myself. I retorted " Hey honey pot, there is 128oz in a gallon. The volume is the same"

I was then that i realized i was speaking Russian or something. She was lost. She decided that since she couldn't understand what i was saying, she would let me have it for $18.88.

What a girl.

Here are some pics of the Lakota i was re-building

Not bad for a bike that sat in a barn for a few years. We rebuilt the topend and pretty much everything else was little stuff i am working on one item at a time.

07 October 2007

Who sings this song?

You can drink a shy girl to crazy

You can drink a good girl to sin

You can drink an ugly girl pretty

But you can't drink fat girl thin.

06 October 2007

You ain't gonna believe this shit

That's the only title i could think of for this post. As you know i have been rebuilding a Lakota 300. I noticed the head gasket was leaking so i ordered another one. Thursday night i tore the engine down to case in preparation for receiving the gasket on Friday.

Friday comes around and i go pick up the gasket. I hightail it home and start rebuilding the top end. I get it all put together and fire it up. It runs like a champ and there is no oil leaking. I run it until it gets hot and then let it sit for an hour or two and then re-torque the head bolts. Everything is going fine so i decide to adjust the air-fuel mixture. After a few turns of the jet i can not get the bike to start. I reset the jet to where i started and it still won't start. I figured i had flooded it out so i went to bed and figured i would try again in the morning.

This morning o couldn't get the bike to do more than an idle. I took the carb off 2 times try ing to fix it and nothing i did seemed to fix the problem. I was dumbfounded. I then noticed that it was blowing gas out of the intake throat to the carb. This perplexed me. I called my Uncle Bill and we started trouble shooting. We agreed that the only thing to cause blow back out the intake was the bike was out of time. I said that i timed it correctly and i guaranteed that the bike was not out of time.

After checking the spark, changing the plug and countless other things, i decided to pull the timing cover off and take a look. It was then that i noticed the bike had " jumped time ". Now anyone familiar with bikes knows that it is almost impossible for a bike to jump time. Come to find out, in my haste i forgot to tighten the Cam Gear Bolt. What an ass.

I pulled the timing gear, chain and tension er and started over. I reset the timimg and put it all back together. I hit the starter switch and she fired right up. I can not believe that i forgot to tighten the bolt. I am lucky that it didn't bend a valve.

05 October 2007

An Old Friend

Back in 1997 i was recruited to transfer to Odessa by the then regional manger. His name was Malcolm Savoie. He lived in Lake Charles but was from Church Point. He preferred to go by Ole Dad. Ole Dad picked me up at the airport and we went straight to the bar until about 0200.

About 3 years prior, i had met Ole Dad at one of the crawfish boils our company had in Baton Rouge. After the crawfish boil we all went to the bar and it was then that i met Ole Dad for the first time and realized that Ole Dad had a bit of a drinking problem. Ole Dad like to get gassed up and then he thought he was bullet proof. He was a fun man to be out drinking with.

So anyhow, Ole Dad decided i would work out in Odessa TX and transfer ed me in. Ole Dad being from Church Point had a thick almost not understandable coonass brogue. When he talked and if you didn't know him you would think he was the most uneducated person in the world. He was a hoot. When Ole Dad flew into town you met him at the airport with 1/2 gallon of Crown or VO, an ice chest and one 7up. Ole Dad didn't like tall glasses or much 7up in his Toddie. About 1500 he decided to take the whole branch to the bar for a Toddie for his Body. We would stay in that bar until it closed. He used to go to the bar tender and say " You see dem boys over der, they works for me. I'ms da boss" He would have a short glass of Crown and after about 3/4 of it he would have to throw it away. he said " Dat drink tase like wader, fix me a new one shovels" Shovels is a common slang name for black folks back in the old country according to Ole Dad.

Ole Dad's drinking got the best of him and he lost his job and his wife. He went down hill and ended up having a stroke. He was placed in a nursing home and he used to call me every now and then. Eventually they released him from the nursing home and then Ole Dad drank himself to death. He died 29 September 2007.


AGE 55





Ole Dad may have been a falling down drunk, but he was one hell of a salesman and had connections every where. One time i was having trouble getting into the refinery in El Paso. I talked to Ole Dad about and he said he would call me back. About an hour later Ole Dad called me and told me to pick him up in El Paso tomorrow we had sales calls to make. He would fly in with 100 pounds crawfish, boudin, Tasso and everything else and we would have a hodown. He was something else. He got me into the refinery. He was good when he was on his game.

Ole Dad, you will be missed. I will have a Toddie for the Body inyour honor tonight. Rest in Peace.

04 October 2007

A long day

Yesterday i was privileged to drive from Odessa TX to Weatherford TX to give a presentation for about 1 hour and have lunch with a customer. All told i logged 586 miles. That makes for a long long day.

As i was leaving Weatherford, i passed a Burger King that had a sign out front that read " Management Positions Open"

This got me to wondering what kind of employees they have if out of the 20 or so employees there, none of them are good enough to manage the store. I decided that i would mark that particular BK as one i will not frequent.

On another note, my Lakota Project is progressing. I re-built the carb and it is running great. 2 of the 4 jets in the carb was clogged so that explained why it ran crappy. I have to change the head gasket. I have one ordered and will change it this weekend. A friend of mine gave me a front and rear rack off of a Polaris so with a few minor modifications it fit the Lakota. I had to weld on a few brackets but it will work.

Next Friday begins Hell Week at the lease. We will all meet up Friday afternoon at the lease and commission hell week 2007 with a butt load of beer. We use hell week to test our equipment. We figure that anything that survives a week with us at the lease, is a quality product. Last year we destroyed the front ends in my Uncle's Jeep and in my scout. Hopefully we will not tear up anything this year.

The towel

Last May, Boudreaux married an attractive woman, Lola, half his age.

> After several months, Lola complained that she had never climaxed
>during sex; and
>according to her Grand Momma, all Cajun women are entitled to a
>climax once
>in a while.
> So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet
>since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Mamou. The Vet
>didn't have
>a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Momma and
>would fan a cow that was having any difficulty breeding with a big
>This would cool her down and make her relax.
> So, the Vet told them to hire a strong virile, young man to wave a
>big towel over
>them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause
>the young wife
>to cool down, relax, and then climax.
> So the couple hired a strong young man from the big city of
>Lafayette to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.
>After many
>efforts, Lola still had not climaxed! They went back to the Vet. The
>said for Lola to change partners and let the young man have sex with
>while Boudreaux waved the big towel.
>They tried it that night and Lola went into wild, screaming,
>climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.
>When it
>was over, Boudreaux looked down at the exhausted young man and in a
>manner said, "And dat, my friend, is how you wave a towel

02 October 2007

The hands of time

The hands of time keep on tick tocking away and the world does not stop for your pain or anguish. It just keeps tick tocking away without a care in the world. Impervious to our needs or wants, time will take its toll on every one and every thing.

Yesterday we buried my good friend's wife. At age 44, she lost to cancer. Now my friend and I are both Knights of Columbus and very devoted to our church. We are in my opinion educated in our Catholic Faith. We don't ask "Why did God do this to us?" We know those answers. We know that people will die. We acknowledge that all Love ends in heartache. However, knowing the answers doesn't ease the grief, pain and loss. It will take time to ease the pain. The tick tocking must go on.

The Knights of Columbus were requested to maintain vigil while Sue was lying in Repose at our church. While i was at the vigil in the wee hours of the morning, i spent i guess too much time reflecting on my life and my mortality. Everyone expects to be old when they pass. I questioned if my soul would pass muster if i perished today. These are hard questions to answer. Here is the part that freaked me out. As Christians we believe that when we die, we will stand face to face with Christ and be judged. We believe that our souls depart our bodies and go to where they were intended to go. The scary part is the extremely thin line between life and death.

You can be sitting there one minute and dead the next. There is no " Do Overs " When your done, your done. I only hope that i can get my stuff together and be prepared for death.

This is the first funeral i have been to since my Grandmother passed away. It has been 15 plus years since i attended a funeral. I have never cared about death. I accepted it as a matter of fact. Death never scared me. I never really thought about it. To me it was something i chalked up as "shit happens". This funeral made me realize that funerals are for the living. Those left behind carry a tremendous burden. The grief and pain must be overwhelming. I saw a family put through more than i care to imagine.

I have decided that funerals are too painful for the loved ones and i want my funeral to be simple. I don't want the congregation to tell my family more than once they are sorry for their loss. I say this because at Sue's funeral, the funeral director had the congregation offer our condolences to the family on 3 different occasions. I do not want this. When i die, prep the body and set me at the church for people to say their goodbye's. After that, button the lid and plant me. I think it should be short and sweet. I would like to have an ice chest full of beer by the casket so my friends could give me a toast and revel in a life well spent.

I don't think i will attend another funeral for sometime. I hope i don't have to anyway. I know that life is short and i want to make some changes in my life. I want to be judged to have lived a full and purposeful life. I don't want people to wonder if i made it to Heaven, i want them to be able to look at how i lived and know i made it to Heaven. I want to give more than i receive, forgive more than i hate, Love like it won't end in heartache and be a friend to those that need one. It will not be easy, but that is my goal.