27 December 2007

A tale of woe

Try to picture this. It is mid 1960's, Christmas Day in New Jersey. The snow on the ground has been there for several days. The snow has a grey hue from all the coal burning furnaces in the area. A little girl seven years old, the oldest of 7 kids, wakes up and goes down stairs to see what Santa Clause has brought. As the other kids scramble down the stairs her Mom and Dad come down. Mom walks into the kitchen to make coffee and there are some dirty dishes in the sink. Mom, who is known to go crazy from time to time, explodes with fury over the dirty dishes. She grabs the little girl and makes her sit in a chair and watch as her brothers and sisters open their gifts.

As the family is opening their gifts Mom goes about preparing Christmas dinner. The little girl is still sitting in the chair not allowed to move and scared to death. She has felt her Mothers wrath more than once. The family gathers around the table and has Christmas dinner. After dinner the little girl is sent to bed without opening her gifts or eating Christmas dinner. The little girl lies in bed crying. Her eyes are full of tears and her little heart starts to harden. She feels the hatred burn.

Fast Forward 8 years. The little girl is now 15 years old. She did something wrong and her Mom is beating her relentlessly. Her Father is sitting there watching. The neighbors hear the commotion and call the cops. The cops see the little girl all black and blue and they contact Childern Protective Services. That was the last time the little girl lived with her parents.

The girl was placed in Foster Care until she was 18. At 18 she was married and started a family of her own. She has two children and swears to make their lives 100 times better than what her childhood was like. By this time they are living in California and chasing the American dream. Life is normal. The little girl is now in her 30's. One evening while reading a book the phone rings. Her sister in Texas calls to tell her that their Mother passed away. She writes down the information and hangs up the phone. A single solitary tear rolls down her cheek and falls into her book. She is sadend yet relieved. She sends flowers to the funeral. She does not attend. All her Brothers and Sisters wondered if she would be there.

Fast Forward a few years. President Bush is replaced by President Clinton. The military cutbacks begin and she loses her job at Boeing. Her marriage is on the rocks and her children have grown and left the nest. Her marriage comes to a nasty end and she is on her own again. She calls her Dad in Texas and he comes and gets her. She stays with her Dad taking a break from life. She is relieved to be away from all the hustle and bustle.

She meets a guy. This guy is 6'5" and has a whole lot of show and a litle bit of go. He is recovering from a divorce as well as her and neither one of them are looking for anything more than some fun. They hang out, go to bars, go for rides on his Harley Chopper and in general just have fun. Life was good.

Somewhere along the way a fatal mistake was made. The guy and the girl spent so much time togather that they fell in Love. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. They get married and buy a house in Midland TX. Life is good.

Over the course of their marriage he gets to know her sisters and her brother. There are only 4 of the 7 children left. It is not a close family but they get along. He learns about her past and he understands why her heart is so hard at times. He does his best to understand and belives that he can warm her heart. Each Christmas gets better than the last. He is winning her over.

18 December 2007, she is decorating the tree and he is helping. He sits down and notices that she has a 1000 yard stare. He ask what she is thinking about. She says she was thinking about her childhood. They talk a while and he can tell she envys the childhood that he had. Tomorrow she was going Christmas shopping so she was excited. They go to bed with wonderful visions of Christmas 2007.

19 December 2007, 1425 hours his cell phone rings. They found her Father dead at his house and they can not get a hold of her. He secures his jobsite and heads to the mall to find her.

He calls the house and she answers. He breaks the news to her over the phone and rushes home to be with her. She is extremely upset. She calls her sisters and gets the details. Her Brother flies in from California and the family can not decide on which day to have the funeral. 2 of the kids want it on Christmas Eve and 2 of them want it on the day after Christmas. The funeral home agrees to a viewing on both days.

26 December 2007 they are home from the funeral chapel and she is sitting on the couch staring at their Christmas tree. She has her 1000 yard stare. He relizes that he can not overcome this obstacle and that Christmas will never be the same again. A single solitare tear runs down his cheek and falls on the keyboard as he types Happy Holidays.

20 December 2007

Socialism - Is America Ready?

The last time, this country was confronted with the possibility of electing a Socialist leaning President was in 1972, and George McGovern was the candidate. I was assigned to the United States Air Force Academy as an AOC (Air Officer Commanding) at the time. At a weekly meeting with the Commandant of Cadets, the Brigadier General said, “Gentleman, during this election, you again have the opportunity to do something good for your country”. He did not tell us how to vote, but we all understood what he meant. George McGovern would dismantle the US military, as was done immediately following WWII. This did not quite make sense, as we were still in the middle of a war in Vietnam from which I had just returned. There were forty young patriots in that room, and all exhaled Red, White, and Blue. We understood that such a philosophy would seriously jeopardize the welfare and the security of our country. Guess where we stood???

The American People soundly rejected George McGovern’s politics, and the Democratic Party learned a valuable lesson. America was not ready for Socialism, so the Democrats moved the party closer to the center.

The question remains, where does the country stand today? Faced with the same option, will a sleepy American people allow the disaster to occur in 2008. There have been some changes since 1972 that may allow the unthinkable to happen. I spent my entire working life-time training to defend, or defending, this great nation against the threat of Socialism, which I define as “practice Communism”. My greatest fear today is that even though the external threat was unable to accomplish the unthinkable, it might be possible from within.

During the McCarthy years of the 1950s, Socialists in this country were forced to hide or find cover. Blacklists were prevalent in Hollywood, and the mood of the country left little room for the left-leaning. As could be predicted, the far-left found refuge for most part in the Democratic Party. Occasionally, they raised their heads, such as in 1972, but just as often they were met with rejection. It appears that the trend has run its course. Extreme amounts of money from the far-left have energized the Democratic Party, the Hollywood elite and the enriched main-stream media. Blitzed by the constant ranting from these sources, it appears the American people are equally divided between the two major political parties. This is frightening to me.

I must admit to being a present day conservative, which was not always the case. I remember in 1960 casting my very first vote in a Presidential election, for JFK. I was right out of college and a new electrical engineer ready to conquer the world. Looking back, JFK would make a pretty good Republican in this day and age. So, things change, and the Democratic Party left me. I did not leave it. The party moved so far left, that I could no longer support its outlandish pursuits, such as redistribution of wealth, over taxation, and government control of everything. It has become obvious that the present day Democratic Party was not the one our Fathers knew and supported.

Look with an open mind at the Democratic Party over the past 12 months, and it is revealing. The American people are tired of the war in Iraq, but not those fighting it, which is reflected in the polls. The Democrats are totally poll driven, so they have gone overboard in degrading the war effort, and unfortunately, those who are fighting it. Let’s look at a few who run our country now and in the past.

Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader, knows that the tide has turned in Iraqi war, which is absolutely the heart of the War-On-Terror in the broader picture. His prediction that “the war is lost”, at a time our troops were giving their lives in pursuit of success, was totally wrong. Yet, he still attempts to send legislation to the President demanding immediate surrender and with-drawl. This is work of a traitor in my opinion.

Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House, continues to sport the deer-in-the-headlight smile and support Reid. My question is simply, will she ever get over her elevated position of being third in line for the Presidency, and start thinking of more important issues. In my opinion, Ms Pelosi is the classic, closet Socialist, but then, she has an enormous amount of company in the Democratic Party. It is tough remaining number one.

John Murtha served in Korea, but I understand he never made it to the war zone. He plays the war hero card, yet he does nothing but oppose, and degrade, our men and women in uniform.

John Kerry (I realize you are tired of hearing about this guy, but he is the Democratic-mold in my opinion) voted against the Bradley Fighting Vehicle, the M-1 Abrams Tank, every Aircraft Carrier since 1988, the Aegis anti-aircraft system, the F-15 Strike Eagle, newer F-16 upgrades, the P-3 Orion upgrade, and to kill the B-1 Bomber. He is truly anti-military and a liar to boot, which detrimentally affected our efforts in Vietnam, and now the Middle-East. This guy actually had the audacity to run for President of this great nation. Again, the people were smart enough to reject such nonsense.

I understand Dick Durbine has accused our troops at Guantomino of being Nazis, tenders of Soviet style gulags and bad as Pol Pot, who murdered two million of his own people. Yea, these guys sure support our troops.

Ted Kennedy appears to be anti-military, anti-America, and should have served hard time over the death of Mary Jo Kopeckni years ago. I honestly don’t think he has had a clear thought in 20 years---Just my opinion, I could be wrong.

In my opinion the bottom of this barrel may be Al Gore. Gore is a loser, and a poor one at that. He now needs a cause. What better than an emotional issue like global warming, which cannot be proven one way or the other. He is smart, but could care less about this nation. Gore is becoming a very rich man with this single-minded idea, and when he feels he might win, we will see him again running hard from the far-left.

Jimmy Carter, the father of the Radical-Islam movement, aided the downfall of the Shah of Iran in 1979, allowing the Ayatollah Khomeini to begin the Radical-Islam resurgence we are witnessing today. No need to mention the 18% inflation and 18% interest rates during his tax-raising term. Will they ever learn that tax breaks fuel the economy?

I think the following far-left names are self explanatory: Russ Feingold, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Carl Levine, George Soros, Jane Fonda, Sean Penn, Michael Moore, George Clooney (now there is an intellect), Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Danny Glover, and the list goes on, and on, and on. There is no shame.

The collective stupidity of these clowns has the potential to destroy this country, after they turn it into a Socialist, then Communist State. Putin is smiling right now. The politicians above are self-serving fools who despise President Bush, and whose insane drive to regain political power guides their actions, not what is good for the country or the people. Again, it is my opinion. Some may think I am wrong.

Now, after all those words, what is the point to this story?---Hillary Clinton!!! I smile when I hear Hillary speak about other candidate’s lack of experience. Hillary has no experience at all, except as under-study to her husband, Bill Clinton. Now there is a role model. Let’s take a look at who was her teacher.

Bill Clinton signed enlistment papers and took an oath to serve in Sept, 1969, then failed to show at his military duty station. He was reclassified 1-A on Oct 30, 1969, as his enlistment with the Reserves was revoked making him officially AWOL. He avoided all the consequences of those misdeeds, and received a pardon by President Jimmy Carter Jan 21, 1977. Bill Clinton was the first President of the Untied States who was a pardoned FELON, and then he went on to be IMPEACHED.

When you hear the Democrats preach about our troops serving long, multiple tours in Iraq, please keep this in mind. As memory serves me, Bill Clinton reduced our military by:

-----709,000 Regular Active Duty Personnel

-----293,000Reserve Troops

-----Eight Army Divisions

-----20 Air Force and Navy Air Wings with 2,000 Combat Aircraft

-----232 Strategic Bombers

-----19 Strategic Missile Submarines

-----Four Aircraft Carriers and 121 Surface Combat Ships and Submarines

-----and on, and on, and on.

I must admit to being one who truly believes it is time this country includes women as prospective choices for President of the United States, but Hillary Clinton is not one of them.

I must ask the question of even those real Democrats (not the far-left who embrace Socialism), do we really want to see, hear and smell the Clintons again, and for possibly another eight years. I am in great hope that the answer to that question is the same as it was for George McGovern---a very firm, yet loud---NO.

In conclusion, let me say again, no country in the world can present a true conventional threat to this great nation. The threat comes from apathy---Apathy from good, American people, who are paddling as fast as they can. There is little time left to get deeply involved with politics after taking care of family and the daily grind of making a living.

However, we are at the McGovern cross-roads again. The outcome of the 2008 election will affect every breathing individual in this country. Socialized medicine, doing away with the Bush tax cuts, increasing taxes, reducing the military at a time this country faces possibly the biggest threat in its history, cutting and running in the Middle-East, allowing Iran to develop nuclear weapons and becoming dominant in the Middle-East, bowing to the will of George Soros, the Hollywood Elite, and enriched far-left news organizations, and living with the risk of more Clinton level scandals and indiscretions is beyond comprehension to me.

My plea is for all Americans to look closely at what has occurred during the past 12 months in the Democratic Congress, and visualize the state of our country after four years of President Hillary Clinton, backed by a Democrat controlled House and Senate. I think that is scary enough to awaken the good Democrats, and even an apathetic nation.

Jim Cash, B/G, USAF. Ret.
Lakeside, Montana

16 December 2007

A hero returns home

I am talking about Gilmer Hernandez. Remember back 1 year ago. He was a Sheriff's Deputy in Rock Springs TX. He stopped a vehicle and when he went to the vehicle it took off. Gilmer pulled his weapon and started to shoot out the tires. One of the bullets richoted and hit a Mexican national being smuggled into the country and knocked out 5 of her teeth.

Johnny Sutton, Asshole, decided to press charges against Gilmer and offered the illegals amnesty if they testified against Gilmer. Gilmer went to jail for 366 days because he violated this women's civil rights.

Can you believe this shit? An illegal who was breaking the law by entering the country illegally, got her civil rights violated. What civil rights? I just don't get it. Why is this country protecting the illegals and prosecuting the men out there trying to keep us safe?

I tell you it burns my ass to see this happen. Johnny Sutton is the same asshat that prosecuted Compean and Ramos, the two Border Patrol agents who shot Osualdo Davila in the ass. Davila was smuggling drugs and was caught with a million dollars of marijuana when he was shot. Another perfect example of law enforcement doing their jobs and being prosecuted for it.

Well Mr. Sutton, you can kiss my hairy ass.

09 December 2007

Wal-Mart, Love it or Hate it

My Dad and my Uncle have been trying to convince my Brother and I that Wal-Mart is the reason that the local Mom and Pop stores are going out of business. My Dad even brought a newspaper article describing how conglomerates tend to destroy local Mom and Pop stores all over the country.

My problem is that their story doesn't hold water. Here is what i think. The only time that Wal-Mart would put a Mom and Pop store out of business is when Wal-Mart goes into a small town of about 25,000 or less. In the larger cities each neighborhood has their own grocer, butcher and the like. Large grocery stores such as Kroger, Albertsons and HEB are already in the larger cities so Wal-Mart only makes them become more competitive.

Wal-Mart, Costco, Kroger, Winn-Dixie and Albertsons are bulk item stores. The speciality stores are still around. In Odessa TX Wal-Mart hasn't even stopped the little Mom and Pop stores. Not everyone goes to the store and buys food and stuff for 1 or 2 weeks. A lot of people like fresh foods and use the locals.

Wal-Mart simply helps you spend more of your paycheck in their store. Wal-Mart is based on convenience and low prices. Here is a test for you. Make a list of 20 commonly purchased items that you use. Go to Wal-Mart, Albertsons, HEB and Market Basket and buy the exact same name brand items. See for your self who is cheaper.

You will find that Wal-Mart is the cheapest. If Wal-Mart is the cheapest, how do the other stores stay open?

The simple fact is that Wal-Mart only hurts locals in hillbilly hick towns.

Now my Dad and Uncle shop at Market Basket, Kroger, Cirle K, 7-11. They eat at Burger King, McDonald's and Ryan's. all these places are chains. All these chains contributed to putting the little guy out of business. You still have some locals who have speciality shops.

Since Dad and Uncle are against Wal-Mart because it is a chain, i would like to see them show that they are not hypocrites and stop spending their money at all chains and help support the little guy.

Show me.

05 December 2007

Not bad for a Paranoid

You know the Bible 74%!

Wow! You are truly a student of the Bible! Some of the questions were difficult, but they didn't slow you down! You know the books, the characters, the events . . . Very impressive!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

I am not crazy, they are watching me. I need an Armadillo helment.

What mental disorder do you have?
Your Result: Paranoia

You are constantly thinking about what others may be saying about you behind your back. You may also feel people have conspiracies against you, or they are out to get you. In crowds you may feel like everybody is watching to closely.

Manic Depressive
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

04 December 2007

A Joke

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the
first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding
bulls. They went up to the first pen and there
was a sign attached that said,


The wife playfully nudged her husband in the
ribs and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

They walked to the second pen which had a
sign attached that said,


The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and
said, 'That's more than twice a week!
You could learn a lot from him.'

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign
attached that said, in capital letters,


The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke
her husband's ribs, said,'That's once a day.
YOU could REALLY learn something from this one.

The husband looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask
him if it was with the same old cow.'

The husband's condition has been upgraded from
critical to stable and he should eventually make a
full recovery.

03 December 2007

Imus is back

8 months after calling the Rutgers female basketball team nappy headed hoes, he is back on the air. It is about time. Now i am not a big fan of Imus but he should be allowed back on the air. I was watching Al Sharpton complain about it and it pissed me off.

Why are white people held to a standard that Black people are not held too?

Why do rappers and comedians get away with the N word but if a white guy says it, we are racist?

I am truly sick of it. If Dog and Imus want to call people names, let them. If you don't like it then don't watch or listen to their programs. If they lose listners or viewers the problem will work itself out.

And another thing, if you meet someone and they say they are ________ American, they are a racist bigot. You are either American or Non American. You are not African American, Mexican American or Asian American. Anyone who refers to themself as a _________ American is only trying to distinguish themselves as a victim or defender of their race. It is Bullshit.

If you don't believe me, try it. Ask a minority what their race is. If they say ___________ American, talk to them and you will realize that they are most likely someone you wouldn't want to hang around. Crusadors and victims are what they are.

Any minority that i know that shares the same values and morales that i do refer to themselves simply as Americans. They are my friends and people i enjoy being around.

Another joke

If big breasted women work at Hooter's, where do one legged women work?


Artsy Fartsy

This evening was kind of interesting. Yesterday i left West TX and drove to Joplin MO. This morning i awoke, had a nice breakfast and drove across Missouri to St. Louis. I stopped in our office in St. Louis and then the manager of the St. Louis office drove me to the Holiday Inn in Collinsville Illinois.

This particular Holiday Inn was built about 20 years ago as a Sheraton. The owners managed to get a government loan with some sort of stipulation that they only had to pay it back if they were making money. The hotel was purchased by two gentlemen who apparently ran afoul of the law. In the last 10-15 years they have made the monthly payment of the loan twice. The hotel always seemed to lose money. The State of Illinois has been filling law suits against the hotel for several years and finally won. The State now has control of the Holiday Inn.

This Holiday Inn is probably the nicest Holiday Inn i have ever stayed in. It has a cigar bar and award winning steakhouse named Porters. Gary and I decided to try a steak in Porters and his niece happens to be the Hostess. Naturally we were seated with the best waitress and was treated kinda special.

I was flipping thru the menu and was startled by the prices. The waitress brings the meat cart out and started telling us about the cuts of meat they serve and why the cuts are so good. For example, a 16 oz Rib eye was $32.95, the KC Strip was $39.95. I couldn't believe the prices. Porter's also has a 2 pound lobster tail that goes for $135. For $149.99 you can get the colossal Lobster surf and turf. A bit pricey in my opinion.

The special is a Beef Pepper loin. It is marinated for 48 hours in Olive Oil and assorted spices. They cut the Pepper loin in 3oz medallions and you order 9, 12 or 16oz. I decided to try the Pepper loin and Gary went with the Fillet Mignon. The house spotted us an appetizer and dessert. We had a few beers and the meal was $98 before tip.

Here is the funny part. Living in Texas i am naturally a steak and potatoes kind of guy. My favorite cut is the Rib eye closely followed by the strip steak. I sprinkle the steak with a little Tony's seasoning and grill it. It has the taste and consistency you would expect from a steak. It seems to me that the more a steak cost in a restaurant, the less it taste like a steak. The consistency was pasty and it didn't taste like a real steak. Peculiar.

I think in the future i will stick with regular steak houses that i know turn out a good steak the way i like it.

01 December 2007

Christmas at Casa de Rey

Today i spent putting up the Christmas lights. I am an expert in exterior illumination. I will put up the tree for Ruth and she will decorate it. You see, i am assigned the outside and she handles the inside. It is a perfect day. 75 degrees, Christmas lights going up, a pork roast simmering on the stove and a cold beer in my hand. It don't get much better than this.

Tonight i am making my signature meal. A pork roast browned and pressure cooked with red new potatoes and carrots. The roast is cut and stuffed with a blend of onions, garlic, bell pepper, green chilli's, celery and Heinz 57. Rice Dressing with pork sausage and potato salad. This is comfort food. It is a coon ass dish with a Tex-Mex flair. Life is good.

When Ruth does her tree it looks like it belongs in a department store. When she has it complete i will post a picture. It is bad ass with a little train going around underneath it.

I hope you all enjoy a very Merry Christmas.

29 November 2007

Just Rambling

I can remember back in my childhood when i really enjoyed going to my Grandparents house. MaMa was always there with a soft and warm hug and a kiss. She could always make everything be OK. I guess it was the special powers that Grandmothers have.

For some reason when i think of Grandmothers i get a picture in my head of nice older women who can cook anything, their house always smells like something cooking, a fireplace and just lots of hugs. They have lots of stories about what it was like growing up in the "Old Days" before air conditioning, Wal-Mart and the easy life that we generally live now.

Before TV dinners and microwave ovens when their husbands killed dinner and they cleaned and cooked it. I guess that is what i envision because that is what i have been exposed to. I like to think about those days gone by and appreciate the fact that i don't have to live like that.

So what will it be like when we are the Grandparents? We come from a life of opulence and luxury compared to what our Grandparents come from. We are a part of the "For Me" crowd. Fake breast, face lifts, lip injections and BoTox are what we will show our Grand kids.

What fond memories will our Grand kids have when they are Grandparents themselves? Their memory will be much different than mine. I wish i could be around to know.

27 November 2007

Tasered in Utah

I was watching the news last night and another Police Officer tased a fellow in Utah. According to the video tape on the Cop's car, he refused to sighn the ticket and the officer told him to step out of the vehicle. The guy walked around to the back of the car, told the cop he was wrong, stuck his hands in his pockets and started walking back to his vehicle. Homeboy got tasered.

Now i wasn't there and don't know what happened. Here is what i do know. I have been stopped for speeding many many times. I have been asked to get out of my vehicle exactly zero times. I have found that if you are respectful with the officer, he will be respectful to you. Why do these knuckleheads end up tasered?

Hell if i know, nor do i really care. I have found that most people who get arrested or tasered had it coming. I am sure that there may be a few trigger or arrest happy Cops out there but i haven't run into them. Most that i have ever encountered where pretty cool. As a matter of fact about 3 weeks ago i was at my neighbors party and the Cops got called on us. Two officers come out and they were very nice. They asked us to turn down the music and contain the party to the house or backyard. No one got arrested or tasered. Funny how a little respect and courtesy goes a long way.

And they're off

Well Mom and Dad left this morning after spending 8 days here in West Texas. I believe this is the Second time they have been out to visit me since i moved here in 1997. I must say it was fun. It snowed over the Thanksgiving Holiday and they saw more snow in 4 days than they have ever seen in their life. We spent everyday sleeping in and visiting.

They left this morning heading for Houston and will be back in their own bed tomorrow night. I am sure they are ready to get home. It's like the old saying goes, there is no place like home.

It was too cold and snowy to do any varmit hunting like we had planned. Hopefully they will come back out in March and we can go then.

Later Yall

22 November 2007

An awesome day

Here in West Texas we had 2 inches of snow on Thanksgiving day. My parents are here from South West Louisiana and have never seen snow on Thanksgiving day before. So naturally after the snow started flying, Dad and i loaded up the old Z71 and decided to go out looking around. Here are some of the pictures we took.

Happy Thanksgiving

It has been a while since i posted. I was in St. Louis for a week and then went to Amarillo TX for a week and now Mom and Dad are here for Thanksgiving. We put the Turkey in the oven last night and the whole house smells like turkey.

As i look back i realise that i have a lot to be thankful for. I think that we as a Nation have a lot to be thankful for. We take the little things for granted such as running water, phone service and going to a store and finding what you want. Most industrialized countries have these modern conveniences but a lot of countries don't.

I know, i have been there. As you relax and watch football and eat turkey today, look around at all the little things you have and be thankful. I hope you really enjoy Thanksgiving.

08 November 2007

I am back

I am back from a very productive training class in St. Louis. It was pretty cool. While i was in MO i bought me a new T-Shirt. It says "God hates Fags and Dog hates Blacks"

Can you believe this guy? I watched him be interviewed by Shawn Hannity and i don't believe he is sincere. I think he is sad because he got caught. His hypocrisy came to light and now his career is ruined.

I can not wait to Al and Jesse jump all over this one. I am sure they Will be demanding something from him, like his blood.

The funny this is that Dog wants to be buried in a slave cemetery without a headstone so he can be with those he loves. where the hell did that come from. So i guess you can go on a rant and call people niggers as long you are willing to be buried with them. Maybe Imus should buy him a plot in the slave cemetery and everything will be alright with him.

Racism will be a part of lives until we die. The Blacks can't let it go and hold whites to standards they are not willing to hold themselves to. The whites are mad at the Blacks for holding them to these standards. I don't think there will ever be equality in our world. People in general prefer to be around their own kind. This goes for race and religion. This is simply a part of our culture. If you force someone to accept what they don't agree with or like, you will pull away until there is a clear separation and hostility will ensue.

02 November 2007

Letter to NAACP

Dear Dr. R L White, Head of the Atlanta Chapter of the NAACP,

My name is Mike. I am 27, and I am neither a member of your organization nor a resident of Atlanta . Normally I wouldn't bother you, but then I came across this article, and it compelled me to write.

Since I am white, I am going to tread carefully, so as not to offend your gentle sensibilities. But, Dr. White, you are a dumb ass.

Speaking for white people everywhere, let me fill you in on something. This case was not a race issue. It was about killing dogs. And if there is one thing people don't stand for, regardless of race, it's killing dogs. You compared it to deer hunting. Again, Dr. White, you are a dumb ass. When was the last time a deer greeted you at the door when you got home from work? Or curled up next to you and gently nuzzled in to take a nap? Dogs are pets, you moron. They aren't meant to be killed for sport. The failure to make this distinction only makes you look more stupid.

Sorry, I lost my temper there.

Here's the thing, Dr. White. The reason people were outraged by this was because he killed dogs. If Ben Roethlisberger or Brett Favre had done it, the reaction would have been the same, I guarantee you. The difference is, had Ben Roethlisberger or Brett Favre done this, you wouldn't see white supporters rallying behind them, proclaiming he was innocent in the face of mountains of damning evidence, supporting him regardless of the outcome. Let me let you in on a secret about white people; when one of our own makes us look bad, we condemn him and disown them. I suggest you adopt a similar policy. If your group's mission is truly to advance "colored" people (your word, not mine) you 'd disassociate from the idiots in your race. It can't go wrong, trust me.

Anyway, Dr. White, I don't want this to come off as racist, because it isn't. Michael Vick is a despicable person who happens to be black. The sooner you realize that, the less of a dumb ass you'll look like.


30 October 2007

So true

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see..... our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands.
Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 10 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

my favorite joke

What do all battered women have in common?

They don't know when to shut the hell up!!!!!!

26 October 2007


My brother wants to get a tattoo. I think he should consider this one.

Computer dating

It would suck if this happend to you, right Ricky?

You aint gonna believe this

So i am sitting out on Uncle Bill's Super Shitter power Squat a little before sunrise. It was too dark to read the paper so i am thinking about the fun we will have today. As i am sitting there, a squirrel was playing in the trees above me. I am watching the squirrel and he is watching me. I am thinking, Damn i wish i had my rifle with me.

A few minutes later the squirrel ran down the tree and stopped about a foot away from me. He stands on his back legs, cocks his head and is just staring at me. I stare back and then say " What the hell are you looking at?"

The squirrel cocked his head the other way and said " What you doing?"

Me "Taking a crap, why do you ask?"

Squirrel " What is that White roll beside you?"

Me "Toilet paper"

Squirrel " What do you use it for? It looks like it would be great to line my nest with."

Me " We humans use it to wipe our butts after we crap"

Squirrel "Why?"

Me " So we don't walk around with poop on our butt all day. Don't you squirrels wipe after you poop?"

Squirrel "No, poop doesn't stick to our fur"

Me, so i grabbed the squirrel and wiped my ass with him.

A few of my toys

Does a redneck shit in the woods?

We call this the Uncle Bill's Super Shitter Power Squat 5000. He had t to fit in the reciever of his trailer, dug a hole and viola, we have a crapper. You had to bring your own reading material. When your done you have to kick some dirt on it to complete the transaction.

Our Campsite

22 October 2007

Propane cannon, nice fire and brass balls

This is a 16.4 oz can of propane purchased anywhere. Make sure your sound is turned up. It was wild.

Texas Soldiers

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban."

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out, "One Texan is better than a hundred Taliban soldiers."

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan voice calls out, "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters a thousand fighters and sends them over the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire rings out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Finally one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap.

There's two of them."

21 October 2007

I am back

I have to tell you this was one of the best trips to the lease that i have had yet. We spent a week out there and didn't break anything. That is a first. It started raining on Wednesday but we managed to get out. The menu this year was phenomenal.

Friday night - everyone arrives at the lease and we set up camp. Wild Bill has a smoked brisket. We heat it up and have brisket sandwiches for dinner.

Saturday - breakfast as usual. French toast, eggs and 3 pounds of bacon. For dinner we had two de-boned chickens stuffed with boudain and we smoked them. My Uncle got them at the Sausage Link in Lake Charles. Best damn chicken i ever ate. Awesome. We also stuffed some jalapenos and Anaheim peppers with pineapple cream cheese and wrapped with bacon.

Sunday Night - Chicken and Deer Sausage Gumbo cooked by my Brother. He did such a good job that a couple of us had Gumbo for breakfast the next day.

Monday - Mexican day cooked by yours truly. Start of with eggs and corn tortillas. For dinner i cooked Fajitas. Beef fajita meat with loads of bell peppers and onions. Served with some "Ricky Beans". I use pinto beans and cook in them about 2 pounds of kielbasa. they are awesome.

Tuesday Night - Nephew cooked Goose Sauce Piquante in Red Wine sauce. It was awesome. Nephew is 17 years old and cooked a speckled and snow goose. A damn fine cook for a 17 year old. Boy has skills.

Wednesday Night - The mother of all Cajun food cooked by my Mother. We had Catfish Courtbouillion in a red and white gravy, Craw fish Etouffee and Fried Catfish. Aunt Teri made Bread Pudding and Mom made Cajun Cake. I ate until i almost busted. Wow, what a meal.

At this time i can only recall one unplanned event that happened. After we all get beered up, we decide to take the jeeps out for a run. We are out in the woods running these old trails, drinking beer and having a good time. Nephew was with me in my jeep as we fought to keep the damned spiders out and Uncle Bill and Wild Bill was in the other jeep. We are tooling along this trail that i thought i knew and i made a left turn an ran into a creek. The jeep made a sudden stop and we were at about a 60 degree angle looking down. I regroup and we hit the gas and manage to get across the creek. Coming back was another story. After trying unsuccessfully to get back across the creek, we had to have Uncle Bill pull us out. That particular creek proved impossible to cross without help. it was fun.

11 October 2007


I will not be posting for about a week. I will be in Louisiana chillin at the lease. We have all sorts of mayhem planned and we are expecting some nice explosions this year. We never know what the beer fog may bring so we must be prepared for anything. I am ready. see you in a week.

10 October 2007

Bush messed up this time

El Presidente made a major mistake. He denied the State of Texas a proper killin. Check out the link: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,300686,00.html

I will summarize it for you. 15 years ago a Mexican National named Jose and his gang raped, sodomized and strangled a 14 and 16 year old girl one evening. Jose was convicted and sentenced to death.

After Jose was convicted he found out that he had the legal right to seek help from the Mexican consulate. Mexico took the case to the International Court of Justice and they determined that Jose needs a new trial under the Vienna Convention of 1963 to which the United States is signatory.

Well, well, well, what do we do now? If the US turns it back on the Vienna Convention and goes forward and executes Jose, any American overseas may be punished if they ever are accused of a crime. The country they are accused by may deny help from the American Consulate. On the other hand, Jose killed two Americans in Texas and should be held accountable for his actions.

Naturally the parents of the slain children are outraged that El Presidente has sided with Mexico. Actually i don't think Bush has sided with Mexico, he is just trying to follow the law.

I can not wait to see how this one turns out.

Do you think Bush should have stopped the execution of Jose?

A couple of jokes for you

What does hitting on a lesbian and hitting golf balls at a driving range have in common?

There both good practice and there isn't any pressure.

What does a fat women and a brick have in common?

Sooner or later they will both get laid by a Mexican.

08 October 2007

Another one

Another entry under You ain't gonna believe this:

I went to Walmart to pick up some tire slime. There was gallon of it and the price read $18.88. I decided i wanted this and went to the self checkout. The Slime rang up $29.99 so i called an attendant over. What do you know, English is not her 1st language. She says " You do not want this?"

I say " I want it for $18.88" She apparently couldn't do nothing so she went and got her Manager. I explained to the manager that the shelf price was $18.88 and it rang up for $29.99. The manager and i went to the tire department to verify if i was lieing to her. The shelf price was $18.88 for 128 ounces. She looked at the jug of Slime and looked at me with this smug look on her face and said " That price is for 128oz and this jug is 3.8 liters, that is the difference"

I gave her the dumbest look i could muster and asked " How many liters in a gallon?" She didn't know so i showed her on the jug where the volume was 1 gallon/3.8 liters

She was still lost. She said again that the $18.88 was for 128oz and the jug was 1 gallon. I couldn't help myself. I retorted " Hey honey pot, there is 128oz in a gallon. The volume is the same"

I was then that i realized i was speaking Russian or something. She was lost. She decided that since she couldn't understand what i was saying, she would let me have it for $18.88.

What a girl.

Here are some pics of the Lakota i was re-building

Not bad for a bike that sat in a barn for a few years. We rebuilt the topend and pretty much everything else was little stuff i am working on one item at a time.

07 October 2007

Who sings this song?

You can drink a shy girl to crazy

You can drink a good girl to sin

You can drink an ugly girl pretty

But you can't drink fat girl thin.

06 October 2007

You ain't gonna believe this shit

That's the only title i could think of for this post. As you know i have been rebuilding a Lakota 300. I noticed the head gasket was leaking so i ordered another one. Thursday night i tore the engine down to case in preparation for receiving the gasket on Friday.

Friday comes around and i go pick up the gasket. I hightail it home and start rebuilding the top end. I get it all put together and fire it up. It runs like a champ and there is no oil leaking. I run it until it gets hot and then let it sit for an hour or two and then re-torque the head bolts. Everything is going fine so i decide to adjust the air-fuel mixture. After a few turns of the jet i can not get the bike to start. I reset the jet to where i started and it still won't start. I figured i had flooded it out so i went to bed and figured i would try again in the morning.

This morning o couldn't get the bike to do more than an idle. I took the carb off 2 times try ing to fix it and nothing i did seemed to fix the problem. I was dumbfounded. I then noticed that it was blowing gas out of the intake throat to the carb. This perplexed me. I called my Uncle Bill and we started trouble shooting. We agreed that the only thing to cause blow back out the intake was the bike was out of time. I said that i timed it correctly and i guaranteed that the bike was not out of time.

After checking the spark, changing the plug and countless other things, i decided to pull the timing cover off and take a look. It was then that i noticed the bike had " jumped time ". Now anyone familiar with bikes knows that it is almost impossible for a bike to jump time. Come to find out, in my haste i forgot to tighten the Cam Gear Bolt. What an ass.

I pulled the timing gear, chain and tension er and started over. I reset the timimg and put it all back together. I hit the starter switch and she fired right up. I can not believe that i forgot to tighten the bolt. I am lucky that it didn't bend a valve.

05 October 2007

An Old Friend

Back in 1997 i was recruited to transfer to Odessa by the then regional manger. His name was Malcolm Savoie. He lived in Lake Charles but was from Church Point. He preferred to go by Ole Dad. Ole Dad picked me up at the airport and we went straight to the bar until about 0200.

About 3 years prior, i had met Ole Dad at one of the crawfish boils our company had in Baton Rouge. After the crawfish boil we all went to the bar and it was then that i met Ole Dad for the first time and realized that Ole Dad had a bit of a drinking problem. Ole Dad like to get gassed up and then he thought he was bullet proof. He was a fun man to be out drinking with.

So anyhow, Ole Dad decided i would work out in Odessa TX and transfer ed me in. Ole Dad being from Church Point had a thick almost not understandable coonass brogue. When he talked and if you didn't know him you would think he was the most uneducated person in the world. He was a hoot. When Ole Dad flew into town you met him at the airport with 1/2 gallon of Crown or VO, an ice chest and one 7up. Ole Dad didn't like tall glasses or much 7up in his Toddie. About 1500 he decided to take the whole branch to the bar for a Toddie for his Body. We would stay in that bar until it closed. He used to go to the bar tender and say " You see dem boys over der, they works for me. I'ms da boss" He would have a short glass of Crown and after about 3/4 of it he would have to throw it away. he said " Dat drink tase like wader, fix me a new one shovels" Shovels is a common slang name for black folks back in the old country according to Ole Dad.

Ole Dad's drinking got the best of him and he lost his job and his wife. He went down hill and ended up having a stroke. He was placed in a nursing home and he used to call me every now and then. Eventually they released him from the nursing home and then Ole Dad drank himself to death. He died 29 September 2007.


AGE 55





Ole Dad may have been a falling down drunk, but he was one hell of a salesman and had connections every where. One time i was having trouble getting into the refinery in El Paso. I talked to Ole Dad about and he said he would call me back. About an hour later Ole Dad called me and told me to pick him up in El Paso tomorrow we had sales calls to make. He would fly in with 100 pounds crawfish, boudin, Tasso and everything else and we would have a hodown. He was something else. He got me into the refinery. He was good when he was on his game.

Ole Dad, you will be missed. I will have a Toddie for the Body inyour honor tonight. Rest in Peace.

04 October 2007

A long day

Yesterday i was privileged to drive from Odessa TX to Weatherford TX to give a presentation for about 1 hour and have lunch with a customer. All told i logged 586 miles. That makes for a long long day.

As i was leaving Weatherford, i passed a Burger King that had a sign out front that read " Management Positions Open"

This got me to wondering what kind of employees they have if out of the 20 or so employees there, none of them are good enough to manage the store. I decided that i would mark that particular BK as one i will not frequent.

On another note, my Lakota Project is progressing. I re-built the carb and it is running great. 2 of the 4 jets in the carb was clogged so that explained why it ran crappy. I have to change the head gasket. I have one ordered and will change it this weekend. A friend of mine gave me a front and rear rack off of a Polaris so with a few minor modifications it fit the Lakota. I had to weld on a few brackets but it will work.

Next Friday begins Hell Week at the lease. We will all meet up Friday afternoon at the lease and commission hell week 2007 with a butt load of beer. We use hell week to test our equipment. We figure that anything that survives a week with us at the lease, is a quality product. Last year we destroyed the front ends in my Uncle's Jeep and in my scout. Hopefully we will not tear up anything this year.

The towel

Last May, Boudreaux married an attractive woman, Lola, half his age.

> After several months, Lola complained that she had never climaxed
>during sex; and
>according to her Grand Momma, all Cajun women are entitled to a
>climax once
>in a while.
> So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet
>since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Mamou. The Vet
>didn't have
>a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Momma and
>would fan a cow that was having any difficulty breeding with a big
>This would cool her down and make her relax.
> So, the Vet told them to hire a strong virile, young man to wave a
>big towel over
>them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause
>the young wife
>to cool down, relax, and then climax.
> So the couple hired a strong young man from the big city of
>Lafayette to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.
>After many
>efforts, Lola still had not climaxed! They went back to the Vet. The
>said for Lola to change partners and let the young man have sex with
>while Boudreaux waved the big towel.
>They tried it that night and Lola went into wild, screaming,
>climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.
>When it
>was over, Boudreaux looked down at the exhausted young man and in a
>manner said, "And dat, my friend, is how you wave a towel

02 October 2007

The hands of time

The hands of time keep on tick tocking away and the world does not stop for your pain or anguish. It just keeps tick tocking away without a care in the world. Impervious to our needs or wants, time will take its toll on every one and every thing.

Yesterday we buried my good friend's wife. At age 44, she lost to cancer. Now my friend and I are both Knights of Columbus and very devoted to our church. We are in my opinion educated in our Catholic Faith. We don't ask "Why did God do this to us?" We know those answers. We know that people will die. We acknowledge that all Love ends in heartache. However, knowing the answers doesn't ease the grief, pain and loss. It will take time to ease the pain. The tick tocking must go on.

The Knights of Columbus were requested to maintain vigil while Sue was lying in Repose at our church. While i was at the vigil in the wee hours of the morning, i spent i guess too much time reflecting on my life and my mortality. Everyone expects to be old when they pass. I questioned if my soul would pass muster if i perished today. These are hard questions to answer. Here is the part that freaked me out. As Christians we believe that when we die, we will stand face to face with Christ and be judged. We believe that our souls depart our bodies and go to where they were intended to go. The scary part is the extremely thin line between life and death.

You can be sitting there one minute and dead the next. There is no " Do Overs " When your done, your done. I only hope that i can get my stuff together and be prepared for death.

This is the first funeral i have been to since my Grandmother passed away. It has been 15 plus years since i attended a funeral. I have never cared about death. I accepted it as a matter of fact. Death never scared me. I never really thought about it. To me it was something i chalked up as "shit happens". This funeral made me realize that funerals are for the living. Those left behind carry a tremendous burden. The grief and pain must be overwhelming. I saw a family put through more than i care to imagine.

I have decided that funerals are too painful for the loved ones and i want my funeral to be simple. I don't want the congregation to tell my family more than once they are sorry for their loss. I say this because at Sue's funeral, the funeral director had the congregation offer our condolences to the family on 3 different occasions. I do not want this. When i die, prep the body and set me at the church for people to say their goodbye's. After that, button the lid and plant me. I think it should be short and sweet. I would like to have an ice chest full of beer by the casket so my friends could give me a toast and revel in a life well spent.

I don't think i will attend another funeral for sometime. I hope i don't have to anyway. I know that life is short and i want to make some changes in my life. I want to be judged to have lived a full and purposeful life. I don't want people to wonder if i made it to Heaven, i want them to be able to look at how i lived and know i made it to Heaven. I want to give more than i receive, forgive more than i hate, Love like it won't end in heartache and be a friend to those that need one. It will not be easy, but that is my goal.

29 September 2007

A hard week

Thursday morning at 0230 am my nephew is driving home on his motorcycle and a Toyota Tacoma pulls out in front of him. He can not stop so he hits the truck and takes the force of the blow with his head. He is not wearing a helmet. The CCU doctor says if he makes it, he doesn't know what kind of brain function he will have. We have to wait and see. They are taking steps to relieve the pressure from his brain swelling. We are praying for a positive outcome.

My good friend and Brother Knight of Columbus, Darrel's wife has passed away after a valiant struggle with cancer. She is 44 years old and leaves two young teenagers behind. Her body will be Lying in Repose at our church Sunday night and the Knights of Columbus will maintain a vigil until the Funeral Mass on Monday.

So between my nephew and friend, it will be a long hard weekend.

What a week

About 3 years ago i wrecked my wife's Chevy S-10 blazer. Since the insurance paid it off, i decided to keep it and make a mud buggy out of it. I cut and chopped and took it to Louisiana with me. We rode it around and had some fun. I decided to leave it at my Dad's house since we would only use it on the lease during hunting season.

I come on back home and i come across this International Scout for a hell of a price. I buy the Scout and tell my Brother he can have the blazer if he wants it. He ask what i want for it and i said "You can have it"

He calls be a month or so later and tells me his son wants to trade an old 4-Wheeler for it. I said "He can have it" so he says " where do you want me to put the 4-wheeler?"

I said just put it in Dad's barn and i will get it later. So this summer the wife and I go home to Louisiana and Dad says " you gonna take that 4-wheeler home?" I look at him and say "What 4-wheeler?"

I forgot all about that thing. My brother and I go to the barn and drag it out. It looks like crap. I figured i would take it home and see if i can get it running. They told me that it smoked so bad it would foul a plug in about 30 minutes. It is a 1997 Lakota 300. I call a few gear head friends of mine and i end up taking the bike to my friends house in Borger TX. We tore it down and found out why it smoked so bad. Someone rebuilt the top end and didn't know what they were doing. It was off time and the intake valve was bent.

I pulled the jug and sent it to LA Sleeve and had it bored and re sized to original, Weisco piston and gasket set. We put in two new valves and guides and a timing chain. We had to cut off the drive chain so i had to buy a new one of those as well.
We put it all back together and we had 13:1 compression. We put in a new plug and can not get the bike to start. We try everything and then we notice that the coil is hot wired to the battery. Why someone did this i will never know but they did. So i went and bought a new battery and it fired up on the first push of the button. We got it running but it ran like crap.

So now i have the bike back in my garage and the carb is soaking in the parts washer. once i rebuild the carb it should run just fine. Not bad for a bike that sat in a barn for 3 years.

25 September 2007


A professor at TEXAS A&M was giving a lecture of the
supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How
many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe
in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic Now let me ask you one question
further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes
off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been
giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made
love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us
about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and
began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the
front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us
what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit! From way back thar I thought you
said "Goats."


A professor at TEXAS A&M was giving a lecture of the
supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How
many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe
in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic Now let me ask you one question
further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes
off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been
giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made
love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us
about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and
began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the
front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us
what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit! From way back thar I thought you
said "Goats."

Dusty Underwear

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Hell is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied with a snicker... "It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'."

24 September 2007

Health Questions and Answers

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. .. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: N o Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

22 September 2007

21 September 2007

The neighbor, a dog and a .45

The other day my neighbor and good friend told me they were going to New Orleans on vacation. His wife is from Louisiana and they are a good source of ingredients when they go home. They asked me to watch the house and to feed the dogs. Now my neighbor and I are both Oilfield Trash so our schedules are not exactly chiseled in stone. As we are used too, he also asked another friend to help feed the dogs. He figured between the two of us, one of us would get the dogs fed.

One thing i failed to mention that was that both dogs are Pit Bulls. The smallest one goes about 80 pounds. She is also the mother of the bigger male, appropriately named "Monster".

With us being friends, i have been around both of these animals since they were pups. When the mother was a pup she used to come over to the house and play with some of my pups, Pugs to be exact. It was funny to watch them play. Actually they still play together to this day. They are really friends.

So i come home from Borger TX and grab the key and walk over to the neighbors to check on the dogs. I am letting the dogs run around and i am sitting in neighbors house watching TV with the front door open. I want people to know that somebody is home. I go to the kitchen to grab a beer, they said i could, and when i walk into the living room there stand Other Friend looking at me. He says " Is that the last beer?"
"No" I say, then he looks and says " Whats in your pants?" I reply in typical oilfield fashion " My Dick, would you like to sniff it?"
He replies " Not the front of your pants Ken Doll, the back of your pants" "Oh that i say" and i pull out a Beretta Cougar .40 cal.

Now other friend was like " What the hell is that for?"

I look at him with the most stupid look i could muster and say " Are you kidding?"

So we talk about the killer instinct instilled into pit bulls and we end up playing PS3 while watching the dogs. Now i have known these dogs since they were pups, but i will not go into their house without the owners there unless i am armed. The dogs know me, but you never know if one of them is having a bad day. It is better to have a piece and not need it, than to need it and not have it.

Home Depot

Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot.

At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

When Walt was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?"

Walt replied, "That's silver and it costs $300."

"My goodness that sure is a lot of money!" Mary exclaimed.

Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it. From the back room Walt yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot.

How stupid can we be?

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would like to visit Ground Zero when he comes to New York on Monday for opening session of the United Nations. I have to call bullshit here. Iran is on the US list for state sponsors of terror and in my opinion he should "taken out", not taken to Ground Zero.

Can you imagine what would be said back in Iran? He would promote how he "stood with the infidel on their sacred ground" and how weak we are. Geez, this guy really gives me the red ass.

I think that the US needs to turn him over to the military. Stop playing like we like him. He is trying to build a nuclear bomb and his intentions are not good. He is openly against the US and he is a trouble maker.

Damn, now i am just ticked off. Later.

20 September 2007

Why men don't write advice columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Mrs. Sheila Lusk

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.


16 September 2007

Sniper II, the saga continues

The wife decided she wanted to drag out the patio furniture and clean it. I go to the shed and drag it out. She goes out and gives it a good fall cleaning. She comes in and says "Watch for the squirrels. I have to leave the chairs out there to dry."

Lucky for me that while sitting here at the computer i can look outside and watch for squirrels. Now i am sitting here working away on a protocol and low and behold i see two stinkin squirrels run across the fence, jump on the shed and head up the tree. I can't believe my eyes. It would appear that Patio Furniture is like crack cocaine to squirrels.

The wife looks out the window and spot the squirrels. I have done slipped out and grabbed my .22 rifle from the safe. I snuck around the house and was watching one of the squirrels. I draw a bead and Pop, the squirrel drops. My wife starts bitching at me again. She said " I wanted you to scare them", I replied, " The other one looks scared to me"

Once again this was not the right answer. One of these days, she will realize that i am not the person to complain to.

A new Suit of clothes

The other day i go down to the Men's Warehouse to buy a new suit. I decided to spend a little more and buy something on the top end of the scale. I picked out a nice charcoal grey pinstripe and walked out with a new suit. I am trying to look as good as my cousin, Pimpage. I stopped just short of the black suede shoes.

So i am watching TV today and watching some old movies. I noticed that everyone back then wore a suit. The only people not wearing one are the farmers and they wear one on Sundays. This got me to thinking why it isn't like that any more. I was reading a study the other day and according to this study, companies who require business dress have more productivity than casual dress. Most companies have a casual Friday and this is the lease productive day of the week. Why is this? Why does the better schools require coat and tie and their students graduate with a much better education? I am not talking about college or prep schools, but this applies to parochial schools. I noticed when my nephew who is 10 switched from Catholic school to public school, his grades plummeted along with his attire.

I have seen this casual attitude drift into everything. It has become the battle cry of the middle class. Back in the day you would walk into a restaurant and see men in suits and women in dresses. Now you people wearing spandex and Velcro and bellied up to the buffet. I wonder of this could be a part of the decline of our society?

I have seen this casual attitude now drift in Church. I saw some people wearing shorts and flip flops today at Mass. Our Priest doesn't like this dress code and about twice a year he talks about it. Why should we have to tell people to wear their best when they go to church? Didn't their parents teach them this?

This casual attitude will slowly creep into all parts of our society and pretty soon emergencies will be a thing of the past. Look at it now, you have an Urgent Care facility taking the place of the Emergency room. Remember the 80's and 90's? Remember when casual sex was the thing? That casual attitude led to AIDS and all types of STD's. What else will this casual attitude effect?

The future is coming but at a laid back casual pace. Those of us who put pride and professionalism ahead of convenience and function at an accelerated rate, will be the new leaders of the future. I look forward to it. We hold ourselves to a higher standard and wish to be judged on our achievements, not the curve.

10 September 2007



(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.


Now think about this:


(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. Is 80,000,000.

(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths
per year, all age groups, is 1,500

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188

Statistics courtesy of FBI

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.


Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."




Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!


Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers

for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention

07 September 2007

New Mexico Constable

I was running a bit late for a meeting in Carlsbad NM. My saleman and myself are making good time down this two lane, well known, frequesntly traveled road. I was driving my new company truck and was digging on the radio. We were between Hobbs and Carlsbad NM. Not very good reception. My salesman was talking on his cell phone and complaining about reception. Neither of us was really paying attention.

I topped this little hill and hollered SHIT. Salesman about crapped himself and said " What the Freak just happened?"

I say " That was a cop we just passed going the other way and he hit his brakes, I assume to come after me"

Salesman " How fast were you going?"

Me " I don't know, wasn't paying attention"

salesman " What's the speed limit, 65?"

me " Yep"

Salesman " Your going to jail. Hope you have on clean underwear. Bubba don't like nasty bitches"

I slow down and sure enough, there is a NM Constable behind me with his bubble gum machine on. I pull over fully expecting to be arrested. Smokey comes sauntering up to my truck and i have my drivers and concealed handgun license in the ready.

Smokey " You know why i stopped you?" Why do thay always ask this?

Me " Uh, maybe going a little fast"

Smokey " You know how fast you were going?"

Me "Not really"

Smokey " I clocked you at 94 MPH. You know this is a 65MPH zone?"

Me " Damn, why is it 65? Ain't nothing but sage brush and spiders out here. I run off the road and i clean your bar ditch"

Smokey " I clocked the guy ahead of you at 91 MPH"

Me " We was fighting for the pole position" I noticed he kinda looked at me from under the brim of his hat and i saw a slight smile cross his face.

Smokey " Are you carrying", I say " Yes Sir"

" What you got?"

" Sig Saur P220, what you got?"

Smokey " None of your damn business. Where is your firearm?

So we get to talking about guns, concealed carry laws and the such and turns out that Smokey is a pretty nice guy. He let me off with a warning and a promise to slow down. I actually slowed down and went on about my business. I had no idea if he called anyone further down the road and i damn sure wasn't going to take a chance.

22 November 1975

November 22, 1975 while conducting night operations in the Mediterranean Sea, the USS Belknap (CG-26) collides with USS John F Kennedy (CV-67) killing 7 sailors on board the USS Belknap.

You see, the Superstructure, everything above the main deck, was constructed of aliminium on the USS Belknap. When the aluminium melted it ruptured a JP-5, Jet Fuel, line and the JP-5 sprayed down the stack of the boiler. The resulting explosion killed sailors down in the Fire room and Engine room.

I know this because i was stationed on the USS Belknap in 1986 - 1988. We all heard the stories of how the engine room was haunted. I am not a believer of ghost and such, but i will tell you i have seen thing in that engine room that i can not explain. You see the engine room is in the very bottom of the ship. It is as far below as you can go. When you pull into port, they stretch power cables and the ship runs on shore power. The ship shuts down the boilers and all auxiliary equipment and you enter "cold iron" status.

Now all the lube oil, fuel oil and JP-5 are stored in or around the engine room. Since the engine room has a few inches of steel separating the ship from the sea, the engine room will be manned at all times. Usually the lowest ranking pukes on the boat stand cold iron watch. I stood my cold iron watches. Being down in that engine room from midnight to 0400, balls to 4, was a long scary 4 hours. No one there but you and the ghost. I would hear things, see things and be scared shit less. I hated walking around that dang place. Remember the engine room on the USS Belknap was two story's tall, stretched from side to side of the ship and about 40 feet long. Spooky place to be alone.

06 September 2007


So i am pumping gas at the station and this women drives up to the pump. We are standing there pumping gas and she notices the Logo on my truck. She says" Do you work in the oilfield?" I replied, "No, i play a piano in a marching band and this company sponsors me"

She looks at me like i am crazy and i say " Yes Ma'am, i work in the oilfield. I was only funning" she replies " I used to work in the oilfield"

I say "Really, what do you do now?

She says " I am a Medium"

I say " Really, I am an Extra Large"

I couldn't stop laughing and she must have thought i was a nut job. Goes to show, you just can't trust Oilfield Trash.

05 September 2007

West Texas Service Member and Family Foundation

Most people do not know that i am on the Board of Directors for WTSMFF. It started with a bunch of us former Military types talking to some current Military types while cooking briskets one day. The Active Duty guys were telling us about the hardships associated with the war in Iraq.

I was asked if i would be interested in being on the Board. I didn't think it would get very far so i agreed. We started having informal meetings and eventually walked away with a set of by-laws and a grant application. We applied for the grant and were given $100,000.

Now we have the funding to help and we plan on stretching the $100K till she pops. Thanks to the TRIAD fund of the Permian Basin for making this a possibility.

If you are interested in looking us up, in my link box click on soldiers of Tady and Yesterday (STY). The link for WTSMFF is on the STY page in the upper left corner

West Texas Service Member and Family Foundation (WTSMFF):

We are a subsidiary of Soldiers of Today and Yesterday (STY)

On the 24th of August.2007 we (WTSMFF) were awarded a grant in the amount of $100,000 by the TRIAD Fund of Permian Basin Area Foundation.
This is great news for us and the Permian Basin.
You will be able to here our (PSA's) on the Radio and Television soon .If you are a Servicmember of the Iraq and Afghanistan war veteran or Family member (wife or child)
and need assistance please give us a call.Mob orders or DD-214 to apply.
Johnie Lee Qualls

Purpose of WTSMFF: Providing Honor, Dignity and Hope to those that have served us through moral and monetary support to the United States Armed Forces deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan and their families back home. Our Foundation supports the Service Members and their families as they deploy, serve and return while serving our Nation. Our focus is on the Service Members and their families needs, as they meet the challenges of Service and Sacrifice. As the Department of Defense does their best to meet the needs of their Service Members, there are many and varied instances where there is a gap in assistance to the Service Member and their families. Our plan is to reach throughout the entire West Texas community; that gives us a unique perspective of the needs and wants of our Service Members and their families as they Sacrifice to Serve.

The planned projects for the Service Members and their families will encompass the entire depolyment cycle of The Service Member and the family. During deployment phase, military families bear many hardships, such as extended family separations, loss of income and benefits, and other needs. These hardships cover the entire deployment cycle and sometimes are exacerbated. The family hardships increase exponentially when the Service Member is injured or dies. Our Foundation has already identified warriors in West Texas who are recovering from combat, and are in need of assistance. Many of the requests for assistance is to have their families near the Service Member while they are recovering from their injuries. There are other requests, but this has been the most frequent. Our cause is just and moral. Our Service Members deserve our respect and our help. We have formed this Foundation to do just that.

Our board members provide a plethora of experience, both military and community, that gives us a unique perspective of the needs and wants of our Service Members and their families as they Sacrifice to Serve.