Today i am in a weird mood. Today marks 4 months since i lost Ruth. The experience has been agonizing and left me without answers several times. I do look at things from a different perspective now.
In the 11 years we were together, Ruth experienced both sides of me. When we met i was wild and carefree. My Dad figured i would end up knifed or shot in some bar. During our 11 years, my Godson helped put me back on the path to Catholicism. Well, my Parents and other family members praying helped a lot also.
I am not the same person i was 11 years ago. Ruth helped to forge my beliefs and Morality and also helped guide me in the right direction. I have the feeling that she did all this for some reason. I have often said i would not want to be single in today's world and now look at me.
Being single isn't that bad or hard. Being Catholic is easy. Being Catholic and single is another story. For many years i have talked to people about doing the right thing and living a good life. Now it's my turn to live what i have been preaching. It is not easy. I believe that this is what Ruth helped to forge in me. Some day i would be called to put up or shut up. I will put up.
I am true to my beliefs and i try to live a good life. I am not a righteous man nor am i worthy. I am a believer who needs help with his un-beliefs. I will not go out of my way to go to a casino, but if i find myself in one i will partake of rolling the bones. I do not think it is sinful as it does not control me. I like beer and i drink when the mood strikes. It does not control me so i think i am OK. I try not to judge but sometimes its hard not to. I try to treat everyone as i wish to be treated, except telemarketers.
You may be asking why i am saying all this. I don't know. It is what i feel like typing. Every decision we make is based on historical facts that we know. If you have been burnt by fire, you decide not to touch the fire because you know it hurts. I try to remember this when someone makes a decision i think is, wrong. We do not know what drives other people. We need to walk that mile in their shoes before we pass judgement. Remember this when you look at me and ask yourself, why did he do that. I say all this to pose two scenarios to you. I solicit your responses.
A person goes to the doctor. The doctor tells them that they have Diabetes, Respiratory distress, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and an enlarged heart. All of this is preventable and manageable with diet, exercise, stop smoking and take these pills.
The person is given prescriptions and has them filled, but they sit on the table untouched. Without the meds, death is imminent. The person decides they would rather be dead than have to take pills for the rest of their life. What is the morality of that decision?
2ND scenario, a guy is driving around checking pump jacks. He comes upon 3 vehicles kind of in a circle. There is a couple of dead bodies laying around. They are in the middle of no where. He checks the vehicles and finds a guy still alive in one of the trucks. This guy is shot and bleeding badly. The guy gets back in his truck and drives away thinking it isn't none of his business. What is the morality of that decision?
The two scenarios are different yet tied together. One is about letting ones life pass and the 2nd is about letting anothers life pass. Is it Ok to control your destiny and not someone elses?