06 May 2008

Fun with telemarketers

Telemarketers are the most aggravating people in the world. I have learned that telemarketers are an excellent way to hone and sharpen your communication skills. What pisses me off is when you ask them not to call you and they continue to call back.

What i do is ask for a number i can call them back on. i do this for all the ones that repeatedly call me. Sometimes the number in the caller id is valid and sometimes it isn't. if they give me a number, they have made a huge mistake. For example:

ring ring, ring ring

"Yellow, big papa sweet, the real white meat here"

"Yes sir, we are looking for Mr. Ray, is he in?"

"This is he, waz up?"

"I am with Country wide mortgage and we can lower your mortgage payments by 15%"

"I am in the middle of something here, can i get a number to call you back in about 5 minutes?"

"Yes sir, call blah blah blah and ask for Denise"

I wait a few minutes, have a beer and wait for the TV program to go into commercial. I call the number she gave me and some person answers the phone. It goes like this:

"My name is Ray, you people call me every night at the same time. I have repeatedly asked you to remove me from your call list. I want you to write my phone number down. It is blah blah blah"

"Sir, i don't understand why you want me to write your phone number down, i can transfer you to our department to have your name removed from our calling list"

"No lady, your going to personally walk that piece of paper with my number on it down to this so called department and have them remove my number tonight."

"Sir, i can not leave the switch board to go anywhere"

"That's fine. When i hang up from you, i am going to my fax machine and set the redial for 12 times. I will then dial your number on my fax. The fax will continue to redial your number making your evening a living hell. After 12 times i will start this process all over again until i go to bed, pass out drunk or run out of beer. If for some reason your dumb ass callers call again tomorrow, we do it all over again. You have my number and you can call me when my name is off the list. Have a great day and the fun starts now"

being the person that i am, i did as promised. Every time she answered she got that loud ringing. I was laughing my ass off. About 3 cycles into it, i get a call from a supervisor promising me that my name was removed from their call list. I haven't heard from them again.


Anonymous said...


Ray said...

Thank you good sir

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, and down right hysteretical.

Big D