30 June 2009

Why isn't obama held to the same standards as past presidents?

If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?

If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the non-existent "Austrian language," would you have brushed it off as a minor slip?

If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current on their income taxes, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to “Cinco de Cuatro” in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the fourth of May (Cuatro de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in embarrassment?

If George W. Bush had mis-spelled the word advice would you have hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoe as “proof” of what a dunce he is?

If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on “Earth Day”, would you have concluded he’s a hypocrite?

If George W. Bush’s administration had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually “get” what happened on 9-11?

If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how he inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?

If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan’s holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive? Can't think of anything? Don't worry. He's done all this in 5 months -- so you'll have three years and seven months to come up with an answer.
No common sense. Naive incompetence, uninformed voters did this
to themselves. Insanity is wide-spread. Real Americans are waking up.

26 June 2009

Hillbilly vasectomy

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, asthey could not afford a larger bed.So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and hiscousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy thatcould fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costlyalternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb,(fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.

'The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the sharpest tool inthe shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can nextto my ear is going to help me.''Trust me,' said the doctor.So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. Heheld the can up to his ear and began to count!'1''2''3''4''5'At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs andcontinued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana ,Arkansas and Mississippi And in certain parts of Florida.

Am i the only one that remembers that Michael Jackson is a pervert? Good riddance i say

24 June 2009

Be careful who you screw over

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, David the physician, the King’s chief doctor. David thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, David made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, David informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. David then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts. The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by the King and Queen as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found David demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins.. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t have cared less knowing that David could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, David slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . . The moral of the story - Pay your fuckin’ bills.

22 June 2009

Calibration and comparison

Out here in the inspection world, we take industrial radio graphs of piping installations to ensure that the weld procedure was followed and that the two joints of pipe are properly joined together. We can also verify the integrity of the joint using an ultrasonic machine similar to the one used to look at babys in the womb.

Before we use the ultrasonic unit we must first calibrate it to a known metal with known density and thickness. If you look around you, you will find a lot of instruments that must be calibrated. When you calibrate to a known standard, you get an accurate and repeatable measurement.

It is the same with life. How do we calibrate our life? In my algebra class we are taught that there must be something on both sides of the equal sign for there to be an equation. So if were to write the question in a algebraic equation it would look something like this Ray=good.

Lets assume the equation is true. how do i determine if Ray=Good? This is where the comparison comes in. I can only calibrate my life when i have a known standard to compare it to.

The early part of this month i attended my grandfather's funeral. The priest done an outstanding job explaining this, in my humble opinion. Often times at funerals and other places you here people talk about how good so and so was. My question is, compared to what?

I have heard people who are being chastised say that they are better than so and so. Is this a good comparison? Is so and so the known standard? I myself have been in a discussion with my better half about my deficiencies when i retorted that at least i didn't do whatever like so and so. In the end, i lowered my known standard of comparison.

The priest at PawPaw's funeral said that we should not compare ourselves to one another, we should not strive to be like so and so, we should compare ourselves to Jesus Christ and do our best to emulate him. I guess if we set Jesus as the known standard, we will have a high mark to shoot for. Some may argue that the standard is too high but i disagree. We need to keep our standards high and always seek to better ourselves.

The other day i said something after church about somebody and a person called me out about it. They asked if that was the type of comment you would here Jesus say. I responded that it was. I also said that Jesus wasn't no punk. He called it like it was. He wasn't PC and he called a sinner a sinner.

You see, i believe that the truth is the truth. Don't sugar coat it and as our brothers keeper, it is our duty to let someone know when they break the rules. We can't allow indifference to guide our judgement by saying something like well, at least he don't hit her. If someone is treating their spouse in a bad way, it is our duty to let them know. If it pisses them off, so be it. The truth is the truth.

Just because something is legal and accepted by society, doesn't make it right. It is our duty to stand up to these falsehoods and expose the truth. If we truly seek to live moral, virtuous, honest and upright lives, it is our DUTY to follow the truth, expose the truth and spread the truth.

So in the equation Ray=Good, if Good=Jesus, then the equation is false. A true statement may be Ray=Not so bad. If this is the case, i have plenty of room for improvement.

So when you decide to ask yourself if you are a good person, remember to compare yourself to a known standard and not so and so.

16 June 2009

More kids need to read this book

The Man Test

1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet or tits. Anything else and you are a homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'decaf soy latte'. If you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his beer.

12 June 2009

Summer classes for women

Summer Classes for Women at
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?Round Table Discussion.Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?Examples on Video.Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginningat 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the ProgramHelp Line Support and Support Groups.Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?Open Forum.Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.Driving Simulations...4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.Live Demonstration.Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

11 June 2009

obamanomics explained

It is a slow day in the East Texas town of Madisonville.
It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich tourist from the East is driving through town.
He enters the only hotel in the sleepy town and lays a hundred dollar bill on the desk stating he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
As soon as the man walks up the stairs, the hotel proprietor takes the hundred dollar bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer then takes the $100 and heads off to pay his debt to the supplier of feed and fuel.
The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has lately had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel and pays off her debt with the $100 to the hotel proprietor, paying for the rooms that she had rented when she brought clients to that establishment.
The hotel proprietor then lays the $100 bill back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler from the East walks back down the stairs, after inspecting the rooms.
He picks up the $100 bill and states that the rooms are not satisfactory...... Pockets the money and walks out the door and leaves town.
No one earned anything.
However the whole town is now out of debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.
If that doesn't scare the hell out of you, then I don't know what will.

08 June 2009

George Tiller was shot down

As we have all heard, George Tiller was gunned down while attending church. Church, what an unlikely place that a late term abortion doctor would be attending.

George Tiller proclaimed "more experience in late abortion services over 24 weeks than anyone else currently practicing in the Western Hemisphere, Europe and Australia."

I would love to know why the Reformation Lutheran Church would allow this man into their ranks. He KILLS BABYS WITH OVER 24 WEEKS GESTATION!

I hear people talking about how wrong it was for Scott Roeder to take the life of Tiller. I am not sure i agree with that. It is a means to an end.

Hell, we as a country went after Hitler for killing people. We as a country went after Osama Bin laden for killing people. Why shouldn't we as a country go after abortion doctors. They have killed over 45 million unborn Americans. Doesn't this number seem alarming?

Tiller specialized in late term abortions, that is after 24 weeks gestation. Even the die hard pro-choicers have to admit that killing an unborn at 24 weeks gestation is murder? Right?

Whether or not you agree with Scott Roeder, you have to admit that he did this country a favor. I don't condone the murder of Tiller but i also don't condone the murder of unborn children. Tiller lived by the sword so he died by the sword. It is sad that he had to die but look at how many lives his death has saved.

Getting my ass kicked

I have to tell you that i am officially getting my ass kicked. As many know i have been taking online classes in pursuit of my degree. I am in my third semester. I was taking ten hours per semester for the first two and managed to maintain a 4.0. This semester i dropped to one class because it is math.

High school in Southwest Louisiana teaches math1,2 and 3. I never took algebra or any advanced math classes. I am paying for that now. They are talking about shit i have never heard of and to top it off, i have no idea how it would apply to the real world.

So as i have been struggling with this class it got me to thinking about online college versus regular classes. True that online you may be able to cheat and no one would know, but it is a lot harder online than i would have ever thought.

Instead of asking the professor to explain it, i have to look it up and teach myself. For someone with basic math skills to learn this stuff in one semester is quite difficult. I am spending a lot of time doing recreational mathematics to stay ahead of the curve. It sucks.

I did call my instructor to help me out when i got really bogged down but that didn't do too much for me. Maybe if i had left my smart ass mouth out of the conversation, it would have gone better.

Professor got frustrated with me when i couldn't grasp the distributive properties of math. He then let me know that i had about a 4th grade math level and would struggle in this class. It was at this point i should have shut up, but i couldn't.

I simply replied " No shit Sherlock, not only do you have a better understanding of this crap than me but you also have a uncanny way of stating the obvious. So Mr. Obvious, what are we gonna do to get me through this mess?

Come to find out this is my problem and not his. Well Duh!!

We, as the professor said, reached a point of diminishing returns. Funny how when your temper is flared, you tend to cease learning. So we tried again another day.

In the end the professor has gotten me through it. We have actually kind of become friends and he helps me out a lot. He realized that my math skills are basic and so he slows it down for me to catch up. He likes the fact that i am self aware and call it like i see it. I like the fact that he is will ing to answer the phone whenever i call.

At one time i would have dismissed an online degree and ranked it with the GED. Now after having to learn this basically on my own, i realize that an online degree can in some situations be harder to obtain than an actual brick and mortar style education.

Peace out and have a good day.