31 August 2010


If it is true that the mosque near Ground Zero is to promote tolerance;
It was suggested that a gay nightclub be opened next door to the mosque.
Two names suggested are; “The Turban Cowboy”, and “You Mecca Me Hot”.
On the other side they should open a butcher shop that specializes in pork!
And across the street a store that sells and displays bikinis or ladies lingerie on manikins…or live models.
In the alley, they should put Obama’s 2012 campaign headquarters!!!
Then we’ll see if tolerance works both ways!!

16 August 2010

Bumper stickers seen on Military bases

“Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism andCommunism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.”
” U.S. Marines – Certified Counselors to the 72 VirginsDating Club.”
” U.S. Air Force – Travel Agents To Allah”
“Stop Global Whining”
“When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine”
Naval Corollary: Dead Men Don’t Testify.
“The Marine Corps – When It Absolutely, Positively HasTo Be Destroyed Overnight”
“Death Smiles At Everyone – Marines Smile Back”
“Marine Sniper – You can run, but you’ll just die tired!”
“Marines – Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity ToDie For their Country Since 1775″
“Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It”
“Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon”
“It’s God’s Job to Forgive Bin Laden – It’s Our Job To ArrangeThe Meeting”
“Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just AVulgar Brawl”
“One Shot, Twelve Kills – U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support”
“My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College”
“Machine Gunners – Accuracy By Volume”
“A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy – Blessed Be The Peacemakers”
“If You Can Read This, Thank A Teacher.. If You Can Read It InEnglish, Thank A Veteran”

12 August 2010

Clever Truisms

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away??
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.?
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. 22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.?
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.?
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.?
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said??
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!?
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.?
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Don key – but I’d bet my all everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

11 August 2010

Why do sharks swim in circles before attacking?

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunkenship.
“Follow me, son.” the father shark said to the son sharkand they swam to the mass of people.
“First we swim around them a few times with just the tipof our fins showing.”
And they did.
“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of ourfins showing.”
And they did.
“Now we eat everybody.” And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad,why didn’t we just eat them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?
His wise father replied,
“Because they taste better without the shit inside

09 August 2010

How congress got to where it is

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all the other monkeys with cold water. After a while another monkey makes the attempt with same result, all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another Monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the Stairs. To his shock, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. After replacing all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.
Why not?
Because as far as they know, that is the way it has always been done around here.
And that, my fellow monkeys, is how Congress operates . . . . so, we need to replace all the original monkeys this November.

03 August 2010

Pissing off the layity

Last night after a meeting we were enjoying a light snack. My Priest and a few other Brother Knights and I had gathered around the table and were just chatting. The conversation turned to the war. Everyone had their opinions and I, being the conservative type, just kept to myself.

Eventually someone asked my opinion and that is when the conversation turned interesting. I explained that the mess we have over there is what happens when politicians run a war instead of the Generals and Admirals. War is the worst case scenario. When one is committed to a war, that country must do EVERYTHING in its power to win. I understand that innocent people will die, that is the nature of war. Our job is to terminate everyone that is the enemy or harboring the enemy.

The looks i got were of shock. I was asked if i condone the killing of innocent women and children. I said i don't think we need to go out and hunt women and children but they will die in a war. It is a fact that must be accepted. If it requires to take out a family to terminate a high level target, shit happens. Take them down.

The object is to win. Not win hearts and minds of the people who live in the country we are bombing. They are going to hate us anyway. It may be tragic but it is a fact of war.

Mosque at ground zero

Well, it is all over the news, again. The muslims want to build a 13 story building near or at ground zero to showcase the muslim faith. Well that really puts a knot in my knickers.

The religion of peaces wants to build a building where followers of the religion of peaces killed innocent Americans. Hum,,,,, doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

I am sure they have some goal of educating us as to the religion of peace and how it was extremist who did it blah blah blah. I don't really give a shit. Those people should be kicked out of New York. I don't feel like being tolerant of their religion. Those peaceful people have been at war for over 2,000 years in the middle east and then they brought it to us.

It is time that we stand up and tell them to take their peaceful asses down the road.