31 July 2009

Texas spelling bee champ

My name be Eboneesha Li Herenandez, an African Hispanic Asiatic-American Girl who just got an award for being the bess speler in class.. I got 67% on the speling test and 30 points being black, 5 points for not bringin drugs into class, 5 points for not bringin guns into class, and 5 points for not getting pregnut during the cemester. It be hard to beat a score of 120%.White dude who sit nex to me is McGee from Waco He got a 94% on the test but no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago. Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberuls for suportin Afermative action. You be showin da way to true eqwallity. I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor when Barrac take over da healtcare in dis cuntry.

30 July 2009

Ever wonder where the phrase "Blow smoke up my ass" came from?

The perfect engine

The best engine in the world is the vagina.

It takes any size piston, it’s self lubricating, starts with one finger andevery four weeks, it does it’s own oil change.

It’s a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental

29 July 2009

Repost, it still rings true.

Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey!"

27 July 2009


Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it. The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted - by present facts - of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.There are no insoluble government problems.Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.They, and they alone, have the power.They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!…Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.

Joke of the day

A teacher in a Detroit, Michigan elementary school asked her studentsif they could tell the class what sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and said:"Up against the wall mother fucker!"

I guess there's not too many farms in Detroit .

22 July 2009

Not funny

Six boys and thirteen hands

This was sent ot me in an email and i wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as i have.

Each year I am hired to go to Washington , DC, with the eighth grade class from Clinton , WI where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation's capitol, and each year I take some special memories back with me. This fall's trip was especially memorable.

On the last night of our trip, we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial. This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous photographs in history -- that of the six brave soldiers raising the American Flag at the top of a rocky hill on the island of Iwo Jima, Japan , during WW II.

Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial... I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, 'Where are you guys from?'

I told him that we were from Wisconsin. 'Hey, I'm a cheese head, too! Come gather around, Cheese heads, and I will tell you a story. '

(James Bradley just happened to be in Washington, DC, to speak at the memorial the following day. He was there that night to say good night to his dad, who had passed away.. He was just about to leave when he saw the buses pull up. I videotaped him as he spoke to us, and received his permission to share what he said from my videotape. It is one thing to tour the incredible monuments filled with history in Washington, DC, but it is quite another to get the kind of insight we received that night.)

When all had gathered around, he reverently began to speak. (Here are his words that night.)

'My name is James Bradley and I'm from Antigo, Wisconsin. My dad is on that statue, and I just wrote a book called ' Flags of Our Fathers' which is #5 on the New York Times Best Seller list right now. It is the story of the six boys you see behind me..

'Six boys raised the flag. The first guy putting the pole in the ground is Harlon Block. Harlon was an all-state football player. He enlisted in the Marine Corps with all the senior members of his football team. They were off to play another type of game. A game called 'War.' But it didn't turn out to be a game. Harlon, at the age of 21, died with his intestines in his hands. I don't say that to gross you out, I say that because there are people who stand in front of this statue and talk about the glory of war. You guys need to know that most of the boys in Iwo Jima were 17, 18, and 19 years old - and it was so hard that the ones who did make it home never even would talk to their families about it.

(He pointed to the statue) 'You see this next guy? That's Rene Gagnon from New Hampshire. If you took Rene's helmet off at the moment this photo was taken and looked in the webbing of that helmet, you would find a photograph... a photograph of his girlfriend. Rene put that in there for protection because he was scared. He was 18 years old. It was just boys who won the battle of Iwo Jima Boys.. Not old men.

'The next guy here, the third guy in this tableau, was Sergeant Mike Strank. Mike is my hero. He was the hero of all these guys. They called him the 'old man' because he was so old. He was already 24. When Mike would motivate his boys in training camp, he didn't say, 'Let's go kill some Japanese' or 'Let's die for our country.' He knew he was talking to little boys.. Instead he would say, 'You do what I say, and I'll get you home to your mothers.'

'The last guy on this side of the statue is Ira Hayes, a Pima Indian from Arizona. Ira Hayes was one who walked off Iwo Jima .. He went into the White House with my dad. President Truman told him, 'You're a hero.' He told reporters, 'How can I feel like a hero when 250 of my buddies hit the island with me and only 27 of us walked off alive?'

So you take your class at school, 250 of you spending a year together having fun, doing everything together. Then all 250 of you hit the beach, but only 27 of your classmates walk off alive. That was Ira Hayes. He had images of horror in his mind. Ira Hayes carried the pain home with him and eventually died dead drunk, face down at the age of 32 (ten years after this picture was taken).

'The next guy, going around the statue, is Franklin Sousley from Hilltop, Kentucky. A fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. His best friend, who is now 70, told me , 'Yeah, you know, we took two cows up on the porch of the Hilltop General Store. Then we strung wire across the stairs so the cows couldn't get down. Then we fed them Epsom salts. Those cows crapped all night.' Yes, he was a fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. Franklin died on Iwo Jima at the age of 19. When the telegram came to tell his mother that he was dead, it went to the Hilltop General Store. A barefoot boy ran that telegram up to his mother's farm. The neighbors could hear her scream all night and into the morning. Those neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away.

'The next guy, as we continue to go around the statue, is my dad, John Bradley from Antigo, Wisconsin, where I was raised. My dad lived until 1994, but he would never give interviews. When Walter Cronkite's producers or the New York Times would call, we were trained as little kids to say 'No, I'm sorry, sir, my dad's not here. He is in Canada fishing. No, there is no phone there, sir. No, we don't know when he is coming back.' My dad never fished or even went to Canada. Usually, he was sitting there right at the table eating his Campbell's soup. But we had to tell the press that he was out fishing. He didn't want to talk to the press.

'You see, like Ira Hayes, my dad didn't see himself as a hero. Everyone thinks these guys are heroes, 'cause they are in a photo and on a monument. My dad knew better. He was a medic. John Bradley from Wisconsin was a caregiver. In Iwo Jima he probably held over 200 boys as they died. And when boys died in Iwo Jima , they writhed and screamed, without any medication or help with the pain.

'When I was a little boy, my third grade teacher told me that my dad was a hero. When I went home and told my dad that, he looked at me and said, 'I want you always to remember that the heroes of Iwo Jima are the guys who did not come back. Did NOT come back.'

'So that's the story about six nice young boys. Three died on Iwo Jima , and three came back as national heroes. Overall, 7,000 boys died on Iwo Jima in the worst battle in the history of the Marine Co rps. My voice is giving out, so I will end here. Thank you for your time.'

Suddenly, the monument wasn't just a big old piece of metal with a flag sticking out of the top. It came to life before our eyes with the heartfelt words of a son who did indeed have a father who was a hero. Maybe not a hero for the reasons most people would believe, but a hero none the less.

We need to remember that God created this vast and glorious world for us to live in, freely, but also at great sacrifice...

Let us never forget from the Revolutionary War to the current War on Terrorism and all the wars in-between that sacrifice was made for our freedom.

Remember to pray praises for this great country of ours and also pray for those still in murderous unrest around the world.

STOP and thank God for being alive and being free at someone else's sacrifice.

God Bless You and God Bless America.

REMINDER: Everyday that you can wake up free, it's going to be a great day.

One thing I learned while on tour with my 8th grade students in DC that is not mentioned here is . . . that if you look at the statue very closely and count the number of 'hands' raising the flag, there are 13. When the man who made the statue was asked why there were 13, he simply said the 13th hand was the hand of God.

Top twelve indicators the economy is in bad shape

12. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.
9. Hotwheels and Matchbox are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.
8. Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the
Stimulus Package.
7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children's names.
5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

4. People in Africa have started donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling
their kids, "Finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America ?"

3. Motel Six won't leave the light on.
2. The Mafia is laying off judges.

And the top indicator
1. If the bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds," you have to call
and ask if they meant you or them.

21 July 2009

Joke of the day

Harry and His wife were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.

Harry suddenly said, "Dear, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" asked his wife.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff..."

His wife looked at Harry and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

The obama's

20 July 2009

Creative puns for educated minds

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
18. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your Count that votes.

17 July 2009

Are we really in a recession?

As you know, everything is relative depending on your point of view and the way it effects you. For example: here in West Texas, we produce i believe about 13% of the oil that America uses. Naturally oil is the engine that drives our economy. I don't mind paying higher prices for gas at the pump because that means we are working.

Out here we can gauge the economy by the rig count. The rig count is published daily in the local paper. The rig count is simply how many rotating drilling rigs are punching holes in the earth. If the number is high, everyone is working. If it's low, we have high unemployment.

When i moved out here in 1997 my boss asked me why it was called the Permian Basin. I started researching and i remember back in 97 that OPEC had a target price of $24 per barrel of oil. At $24 per barrel, price at the pump was below $1.50

Today oil is hovering around $60 a barrel. This is a good price. Companies can make money at this price but they remember the money they made when oil was $146 a barrel. August of 2005 oil reached $60 a barrel and the economy exploded. Oil continued to rise until July 2008 where it peaked at $147 a barrel. After that, the bottom fell out and oil prices plummeted to $35 a barrel in February 2009. From then it clawed it's way back up to $60 a barrel where we are now.

When the oil boom hit, i told everyone that it was a bubble. I didn't increase my spending or borrowing just because the economy was rocking. I stayed put both at home and at work. We didn't boost wages real high so when the economy collapsed, we were sitting good. This is why i question if we are in a recession. The oil bubble was based on speculation only. Oil is where it should be. We simply aren't making what we were in 2008 but that doesn't mean we are in a recession.

Companies out here say the the lift price of oil is $40 per barrel. That is the cost to bring a barrel of oil to the surface. Now take an oil company like Exxon that has their own exploration and production. They drill for their own oil. The lift cost is the lift cost no matter what oil is selling for on the open market. What they do is adjust the price at the pump to match the market price of crude. It still cost them $40 per barrel for the crude so their profits go thru the roof.

Alon, a refinery in Big Spring Texas, can take a 42 gallon barrel of crude and refine it to produce 44 gallons of finished product. Alon is making their fair share of money as well.

So, if oil prices are where they should be, why are we in a recession? Oil companies are not making the high profit margins they were making in 2007-2008 but they aren't losing money either. They simply aren't making as much.

I have been trying to look at unemployment rates and if they correspond with oil prices. i can't really find a pattern. Here is the unemployment stats since 1948. See if you notice anything.

There is definitely a correlation with unemployment and democrats. unemployment peaked in 1982 at 10.5% under Reagan but then they brought it down to 5.3%. I know Reagan was a republican but he took it over from Carter with unemployment at 7.2%. Unemployment stayed between 5 -7% until obama took office. His stimulus plan now has 9.5% unemployment.

16 July 2009

Life in West Texas

Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lot of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do Shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes

08 July 2009

2nd Amendment

The USA Today is taking a poll. They want to know if we the peasantry think the 2nd amendment gives us the right to own guns.

Go take this poll and tell it that it does.

something is very wrong here

Ed McMahon died this week. He was a great entertainer, but prior to
> his stage accomplishments he was a distinguished Marine Corps fighter
> pilot in WWII earning six Air Medals and attaining the rank of
> Colonel. He was discharged in 1946 and was later promoted to the rank
> of Brigadier General in the CA Air National Guard.
> Farrah Fawcett died this week after a long career in Hollywood as an
> actress. After she was diagnosed with cancer, she became an activist
> for cancer treatment and devoted her last remaining years encouraging
> people to seek treatment. She documented her plight on film and used
> it to encourage others to stay positive and upbeat despite their
> diagnosis and suffering.
> Michael Jackson died this week. He was perhaps one of the greatest
> singers of modern time. He will also be remembered for his eccentric
> lifestyle that included sleeping with a chimpanzee, living in a
> carnival-like atmosphere at Neverland, his fascination with Peter Pan,
> and his numerous masks and costumes. He also admitted to finding
> pleasure sleeping with young boys and paying out millions of dollars
> in settlements to the families of these boys despite being acquitted
> by a court on one allegation of sexual molestation.
> QUESTION - Which of the above did the House of Representatives declare
> a moment of silence for today? (Hint - It wasn't the first two.)
> QUESTION - Which of the above's family received a personal note of
> condolence from President Obama?
> (Hint - It wasn't the first two.)
> Something is very wrong here. . .

Dinner with obama, a parable.

Once upon a time, I was invited to the White House for a private dinner with the President. I am a respected businessman, with a factory that produces memory chips for computers and portable electronics. There was some talk that my industry was being scrutinized by the administration, but I paid it no mind. I live in a free country. There’s nothing that the government can do to me if I’ve broken no laws. My wealth was earned honestly, and an invitation to dinner with an American President is an honor.
I checked my coat, was greeted by the Chief of Staff, and joined the President in a yellow dining room. We sat across from each other at a table draped in white linen. The Great Seal was embossed on the china.
Uniformed staff served our dinner.
The meal was served, and I was startled when my waiter suddenly reached out, plucked a dinner roll off my plate, and began nibbling it as he walked back to the kitchen.
“Sorry about that,” said the President. “Andrew is very hungry.”
“I don’t appreciate….” I began, but as I looked into the calm brown eyes across from me, I felt immediately guilty and petty. It was just a dinner roll. “Of course,” I concluded, and reached for my glass. Before I could, however, another waiter reached forward, took the glass away and swallowed the wine in a single gulp.
“And his brother Eric is very thirsty.” said the President.
I didn’t say anything. The President is testing my compassion, I thought. I will play along. I don’t want to seem unkind.
My plate was whisked away before I had tasted a bite.
“Eric’s children are also quite hungry.”
With a lurch, I crashed to the floor. My chair had been pulled out from under me. I stood, brushing myself off angrily, and watched as it was carried from the room.
“And their grandmother can’t stand for long.”
I excused myself, smiling outwardly, but inside feeling like a fool.
Obviously I had been invited to the White House to be sport for some game. I reached for my coat, to find that it had been taken. I turned back to the President.
“Their grandfather doesn’t like the cold.”
I wanted to shout - that was my coat! But again, I looked at the placid smiling face of my host and decided I was being a poor sport.
I spread my hands helplessly and chuckled. Then I felt my hip pocket and realized my wallet was gone. I excused myself and walked to a phone on an elegant side table. I learned shortly that my credit cards had been maxed out, my bank accounts emptied, my retirement and equity portfolios had vanished, and my wife had been thrown out of our home. Apparently, the waiters and their families were moving in. The President hadn’t moved or spoken as I learned all this, but finally I lowered the phone into its cradle and turned to face him.
“Andrew’s whole family has made bad financial decisions. They haven’t planned for retirement, and they need a house. They recently defaulted on a subprime mortgage. I told them they could have your home. They need it more than you do.”
My hands were shaking. I felt faint. I stumbled back to the table and knelt on the floor. The President cheerfully cut his meat, ate his steak and drank his wine. I lowered my eyes and stared at the small grey circles on the tablecloth that were water drops.
“By the way,” He added, “I have just signed an Executive Order nationalizing your factories. I’m firing you as head of your business. I’ll be operating the firm now for the benefit of all mankind. There’s a whole bunch of Erics and Andrews out there and they can’t come to you for jobs groveling like beggars.”
I looked up. The President dropped his spoon into the empty ramekin which had been his crème brulee. He drained the last drops of his wine. As the table was cleared, he lit a cigarette and leaned back in his chair. He stared at me. I clung to the edge of the table as if were a ledge and I were a man hanging over an abyss. I thought of the years behind me, of the life I had lived. The life I had earned with a lifetime of work, risk and struggle.
Why was I punished? How had I allowed it to be taken? What game had I played and lost? I looked across the table and noticed with some surprise that there was no game board between us.
What had I done wrong?
As if answering the unspoken thought, the President suddenly cocked his head, locked his empty eyes to mine, and bared a million teeth, chuckling wryly as he folded his hands.
“You should have stopped me at the dinner roll,” he said.
“A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.” -Thomas Jefferson

06 July 2009

Question for you

A couple is happily married and living the dream. They decide they want to have children. They continue working towards that goal without much success. A year or two down the road, the man gets really sick and goes into the hospital.

He has some disease that is causing his kidneys to fail. The doctors scramble and can't figure out what is wrong. Finally the doctors find the problem but his kidneys are too far gone. He requires a kidney transplant but the list is long and the hospital tells them that he probably will not get a kidney and will most likely die in the hospital.

His wife gets tested to see if she can be a donor. All her test come back as a match except she is pregnant. They will not take her kidney if she is pregnant.

Should she have an abortion to save her husband?

The magic penis

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thoughthe’d buy his wife some thing to keep her occupied. He went to a sexshop & explained his situation. The man there said, ‘Well, I don’tknow that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks,except… ”The Magic Penis!”The husband said, ‘The what’? The man repeated, ‘The Magic Penis,’ and pulled out what seemed to bean ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, ‘It looks like a dildo!’ The man then pointed to the door and said, ‘Magic Penis, the door!’The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and startedpounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly withvibrations. Then the man said, ‘Magic Penis, return to box!’ and thepenis stopped & returned to the box. The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husbandhad been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. Sheundressed, opened the box and said ‘Magic Penis, my crotch.’ The penisshot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mindshattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’dhad enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husbandhad neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put on herclothes, got in her c ar and started for the nearest hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all overthe road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled herover. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had todrink. Gasping and twitching, the woman said, ‘I haven’t had anything to drinkofficer. You see, I’ve got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch andit won’t stop screwing me…’ The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,‘Yeah right…. Magic Penis, my ass…!’ The rest, as they say, is history…