17 May 2010

Simple solution to Airline passenger searches

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.

*Provide a booth that each person can step into, that will not x-ray the person, but will detonate any explosive device the person may have on him/her.

Only the bystanders within a few feet of the booth would hear a muffled explosion.

It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this junk about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial.

Justice would be quick and swift. Case Closed!

Shortly, thereafter, an announcement would come over the PA system,"Attention standby passengers: We now have a seat available on flight number..."

12 May 2010

Holistic medicine

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said: 'Take dees bocket, go intode odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your headdown over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.

'Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket,peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.Coming back to the doctor he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What waswrong with me?'

The doctor said.... You were homesick

Women goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor and she is beaten black and blue

Doctor: What in the heck happened to you?

Woman: Every time my husband comes home for the bar, he beats me to a pulp.

Doctor: Well, i have a cure for that. Every time your husband comes home from the bar, take a glass of sweet tea and swish the sweet tea around in your mouth until your husband goes to bed. just swish and swish and don't swallow until your husband goes to bed.

Two weeks later the woman goes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home from the bar i just took that sweet tea and swished and swished and he didn't touch me!!

Doctor: You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps.

Who knew!!!!

Difference between a slut and a real man

The wife ask me the other day why is it that if a girls has sex with many men she is a slut but if a man has sex with many women, he is a real man.

I told her the answer was realy quite simple.

You see, when a lock is opened by many different keys, it is a bad lock. When one key opens many different locks, it is a Master Key.


10 May 2010

Racial Profiling

So everyone thinks that the new Arizona law will lead to racial profiling, hum.....

Well, if your trying to catch illegal immigrants from Mexico, who should you be looking for? Jews? Germans? Cajuns? oh, i know, Mexicans? Well Duh!!

No shit the cops will have to profile, you stupid idiots that's are who they are looking for.

If your an American Citizen then you shouldn't mind or have a hard time proving it. What is the big deal? Here at my company, we have to use a system called E-Verify whenever we hire someone. It is the same thing. You have to be able to prove you are here legally. I don't understand what is the big deal.

You don't like it, tough shit, suck it up and move on.

07 May 2010

The stupidity of others

OK, I'm going to get philosophical for a bit. Just to give you something to think about.

Have you ever had to deal with someone who you thought was just stupid? How did you deal with them? Have you ever been driving along and someone do something stupid?

In my profession, i deal with what i used to call stupid people everyday. Webster defines stupid as lacking normal intelligence. Now there is a difference between ignorant and stupid. Ignorance i can live with, stupid i can't. At least, that is how i used to feel.

My Priest has been talking about stupidity and what it means in our life. From his point of view, we should welcome stupidity. After talking to him a few times, i have come to realize that what he is saying makes perfect sense. i will try to convey this to you, if i fail, don't blame my Priest, it is my fault.

Here is a question. Why did the Angels get mad at God and some of them leave Heaven? It was because how much God favored us. You see, we need redemption where Angels do not. Why is that you ask? Angels were created with all the intelligence that they needed. We were not. We, humans, are stupid. We have redemption because of our stupidity. I can even prove it. Remember when Jesus was hanging on the cross, He ask God to forgive them because they knew not what they were doing.

Remember also that Jesus summed up the Ten Commandments by saying "Love your brother as you love yourself". He was telling us to love stupid people as well as anyone else. Doesn't the Golden Rule teach us to do as to others as we would have them do unto us?

If God gave us redemption because of our stupidity, Jesus asked God to forgive them because they were stupid and Jesus commanded us to love others as ourselves, then our salvation lies in our own stupidity. It is because of our stupidity that we have salvation.

Next time someone pisses you off and you call them stupid, stop and think about what you are saying. We need that stupidity in others and ourselves to get into Heaven. It was given to us as a tool and we should learn to use it as such.

Thus ends today's lesson.

06 May 2010

Setting the record straight

Even after the recent Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad jokes, that Cajuns aren't smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. People that would build a city 10' below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats are damn geniuses.