06 April 2008

You ain't gonna believe this shit

So there i was, minding my own business. It starts out like a typical ghetto fairy tale, right?

So here is the scoop. Out here in West Texas they have an annual hoe down called the Ragin Cajun. It is a fundraiser for the Special Olympics. You pay $35 and it's all the boiled seafood you can eat. They have crawfish, crab legs, shrimp, corn, tators, and sausage. They also have an endless supply of keg beer to help quench your thirst. You can purchase a desert if you like. They also have a live auction, a silent auction and a souvenir table. It really isn't bad considering where it is at.

I get a call last week asking if the St. Stephen's Knights of Columbus can handle the cooking for the Ragin Cajun. We decided that we simply didn't have enough time to take on such a large undertaking but that we could support whoever had that manpower. The Local Boy Scout troop took on the task and we dedicated two bona fide connasses and lots of Knight to help out. We made a good showing.

We arrive at High Noon to help set up and recon how much seafood we had to cook. They had 400lbs of crawfish and i have no idea how much crab and shrimp. They had an 18 wheeler refrigerator truck standing by with the frozen stuff. We set up and need to be ready to start serving at 1600.

By 1500 most of us are good and primed and ready to rock and roll. We cook a pre-limenary batch of crawfish to make sure our pots are transferring heat correctly. We wanted to make sure the pots were calibrated just right considering this was the 1st major boil of the season. They are.

While waiting for the festivities to start, Eric (rocket man) and i are walking around admiring the scenery. As we are standing there this guy comes up and starts talking to us. He was doing a microphone check around the hangar bay. We were after all in the CAF museum. Come to find out it is Vince Vance of Vince Vance and the Valiants. So we talk to Vince about 1/2 hour drinking beer and having a good time. Rocket man ask Vince if he can open with the LSU fight song. Vince said he would have the Valiantettes ( Val Yun Ettes) in cheerleader outfits. Woo Hoo, looks like a fun evening.

Around 1600 the opening bands kicks off the evening and we are out back boiling the hell out of some crawfish. We are going after it when Vince Vance and the Valiantes come on at 2000. I go out front to enjoy the show with Tommy and Scott. Now if you have ever seen Vince Vance you know he changes costumes every other song and likes to drag people on-stage.

So there we were, minding our own business. Standing off to the side and i was having eye sex with the Valianettes. They were beautiful. In the distance i hear a sound that is faintly recognizable. I wasn't sure what it was but it reminded me of an 18 wheeler. As i am trying to ascertain what the horn sound was i hear the words Lake Charles mentioned on the band speakers. As i snap out of my day dream there is Vince grabbing my hand and dragging me on stage. I look for Tommy and Scott and they scattered like roaches when you turn on the lights.

Vince paired me up with one of the Valianettes to sing back up to "Under the Boardwalk" and then i knew what that sound was. Have you ever seen the movie Black Dog? It has Patrick Swayze who is a truck driver and he is overcome by the Black Dog? I was overcome by the Horn dog. I was bitten and smitten.

So there i am. Beered up wearing my Knights of Columbus apron and Knights of Columbus tee shirt. I was smelling like a bait shop and standing next to the most beautiful women i have ever seen (in 10 weeks). I don't know if it was Violet (that was her name) or the beer but i thought i could sing in front of God knows how many people. Actually i was told i did a fairly decent job. I have a naturally deep voice. I think my Brothers were funning with me.

After the song was over Vince had the girls introduce the guys he had drug on-stage. Violet introduced me as "The Cook" from Lake Charles. Never mind that i was 1 of 50 men out there cooking. I felt kinda bad about that but it passed.

After we were done cooking, Rocket man and myself were asked to man the souvenir booth. Remind me to tell you the story of two women who wanted some free beads. There is only 1 way to get free beads. Those who have been to Nawlins know how. They got free beads.

When the show was over, Rocket man and myself had some great photo shots with Vince and more importantly the Valianettes. I will post the pics when i get them developed.

I must say that this was one of the best nights i have had in a long time.


Anonymous said...

Nigglet you need to wakeup, cause your in a dream. You can not sing.


Anonymous said...

I have only one major problem with your story. There is no way in the world that one man, not to mention, Vince Vance, could drag your fat ass up on any stage. Truth told, it would take a winch truck.........Fatass

Ray said...

I guess Fat Ricky has weighed in o the subject.

canivalpo said...

Forget the Fat Ass part. Eye Sex Ray!! Shame on you!!
I would've paid to hear ya sing though. Gives me an idea. I'll make special plans for our next visit with ya.