11 April 2008

I am an asshole

It's a beautiful day and i am enjoying my drive to Austin. I will be doing a presentation to a major Oil and Gas company on the new NSPS regulation changes governing leaking emissions. I have my presentation ready to go and my props loaded. I will have a good time.

about 1600 i check into here and started unpacking. The front desk informed me that we had a social gathering at 1830 in the club house.

I go to the clubhouse where we have drinks and dinner. After a dang fine dinner we are in the bar just shooting the breeze. As we are bullshitting about nothing i happen to mention that i can get the cork out of a wine bottle without breaking the cork or the bottle. Some bets were made and i had to prove i could do it.

To make a long story short, i couldn't get the cork out with the resources i had so i told them i would have it out before my presentation in the morning. I was told if i didn't have it i would have to do my presentation buck naked. Ha, i don't think so.

I go to the front desk and retrieve the appropriate materials to remove the cork from the bottle. I pull out the cork and head off to the swimming area to show them i got the cork out. As i am walking through the main bar i decided to stop in for a beer. When the innkeeper brought me the beer he asked about the wine bottle. I told him i could get the cork out without breaking either one of them. He grabs the bottle, shoves the cork down in it and hands it back and said he would like to see that. So there i am exactly where i was 1 hour ago trying to get the damn cork out of the bottle. Innkeeper says he will buy me a beer if i can get it out. Some lady sitting next me at the bar said she would do the same if i could get it out. I go back to the front desk to get more supplies and i return and pop the cork out the bottle. I got my two free beers and was sitting there feeling pretty cool.

The lady next to me starts asking questions. She ask where i am from and what i am doing at the resort. I answer all her questions and we go through some chit chat. I look at her and ask her what she came all the way from California to Austin for. She has this look of disbelief on her face. She said " How do you know i am from California?"

I was married to one of your kind. i can spot you in a crowd just like a diamond shining in a goats ass.

We sit there bullshitting and telling jokes. Come to find out she used to be a therapist. You know the touchy feely type that can solve all your problems. Then we start talking about Love and Marriage. I decide to have a little fun.

She ask "So do you think you will ever remarry?"

I see no real point in it. There is no benefit other than tax breaks.

Don't you want to be in Love again?

Love doesn't exist. It is just a frame of mind. Love has no tangible value.

I can't believe you feel that way. How can you not believe in Love?

Like i said, all Love ends in heartbreak. Love serves no purpose in this lifetime. We were put on this Earth to serve God, not anyone else. Love is a luxury not a necessity. The only necessities you need are food and water. After that everything is a luxury. Love is a burden that this society would be better off without. Animals and everything else procreate without love. Why do we need it?

Loving someone completes us. It gives meaning and purpose to our lives.

I am complete. I was designed that way. I do not need a woman to give me purpose. I sure hope you didn't try to sell this shit to your clients. I have to go now, have a great evening.

I get up to walk out and she ask for my number. I tell her "I'm in the book"

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