25 April 2008

When Firemen get bored, it gets fun.

For those that do not know, in my previous life i was a Fireman. Actually a damn good one. I spent 4 years learning, practicing and doing shipboard firefighting and helicopter rescue. Naturally when i got of the NAVY i stayed affiliated with fire departments everywhere i went. Yes i was a volunteer fire fighter but we were good. I was a Lieutenant when i left Burgettestown PA.

We had a cool firehouse. The soda machine was a cleverly disguised beer machine. We used to go to the firehouse and do a little drinking. That leads up to some interesting stories.

So there we were. Having a few beers and getting bored. Halloween was just around the corner and then someone had an idea. They thought it would be funny to shit in an old purse, place a couple of dollars in the shit and leave the purse near the phone booth. After discussing it, we agreed it would be fun.

I volunteered to make the deposit in the purse. I am glad no one saw me hovering over the crapper, holding a purse and trying to drop a deuce on target. It is not easy when you a big guy.

Since it was my deposit in the purse, i had to stick the dollar bills in it. The bait was applied. We took off to the phone booth downtown. The purse was set up on the ground right beneath the phone booth. We parked across the street to see what happened.

Some kids came walking by and spotted the purse. They carefully looked around to make sure no one was watching them and then they retrieved the purse. When he opened the purse he saw the money and immediately stuck his hand in the purse to get it. He stuck his hand clean through that turd. He pulled his hand out and couldn't figure out what was on his hand. For some reason when he figured out what it was, he wiped his hand on his shirt and pants. It was disgusting. We couldn't stop laughing. The other kids with him was hollering and trying to get away from him. I am cracking up remembering this.

So with all the kids screaming and avoiding him, he tossed the purse to the ground and they took off running. We were laughing our asses off and waiting for the kids to turn the corner then we would set up the purse again. While we are sitting there waiting and laughing a truck drives by. He spots the purse and hits the brakes. The reverse lights come on and he is backing up to get the purse. The door opens and he reaches down and grabs the purse. He takes off like he stole something and not 100 feet down the road he slams on the brakes and we can hear him cursing. He throws the purse out the window and puts it in reverse and smokes the tires backing up. We figured he thought the kids did it and he was looking for them.

We laughed so hard i probably pissed myself. The fun you can have with an old purse, 2 dollars and a turd.


Biggun6969 said...

Hell of a story. Keep them coming. Later.

canivalpo said...

Why does this not surprise me that you made the deposit. Way to take one for the TEAM, lol.