05 April 2010

Too Funny

My brother found this guy who answers emails on craigs list. He is funny as hell.

I have a friend in Longview who wanted to get on of his buddies. he took out an ad in the thrifty nickle about wanting to sale a 4-wheeler. He put a super low price on it and said in the ad that he worked the second shift so to call him after midnight when he got home. He obviously gave his buddies phone number. He got all kinds of calls in the middle of the night for that 4-wheeler.


Original ad: I need a whole roll of carpet doesnt matter what kind will pay cash i need it fast

From Me to ***********@*************.org:
Hey,Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need. Thanks,

MikeFrom *********@comcast.net to Me:
yeah I just need one how much do you want for it

From Me to *********@comcast.net:
I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that.

MikeFrom *********@comcast.net to Me:
what? I dont need any of that just the rug

From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem.

MikeFrom *********@comcast.net to Me:
my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff

From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them.I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you.

MikeFrom *********@comcast.net to Me:
i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up.You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100. You should act soon before it is too late!

MikeFrom *********@comcast.net to Me:
is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho

No comments: