16 March 2009

Survivor, Texas Style

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do
> one entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style."
>
> The contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin
> , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville . They will
> then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Midland , Odessa , Lubbock and
> Amarillo . From there they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth and
> finally back to Dallas .
>
> Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that
> read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie
> Chicks," "Boycott Beef," "I Voted for
> Obama," "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2012" and "I'm here to
> confiscate your guns."
>
> The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
>

Looking for input

I am trying to understand the difference between Heaven and Hell. In the Bible it talks about hell being a place of great pain and a fire burning you. Hell is also a place where one lives with an absence of God. If a person is condemned to hell, wouldn't it be safe to say they lived their mortal live with an absence of God?

Satan, God and all the angels know the outcome. They know that Satan looses and God wins. Knowing this, why does Satan try so hard to keep people from God? It seems like Satan's only plan is to deprive God of as many souls as possible. If this is the case, why is hell such a bad place?

One question i was asked this weekend was "Do you live your life the way you do because you want to please God or because you're afraid of hell?" This got me to questioning myself. If i try to do the right thing, why am i doing it? Is it Love or Fear that motivates me? If it is Fear, then i am doing it for the wrong reason but it is a good start.

I think most of us don't comprehend what Heaven really is. Imagine that how you live your 80 or so years on Earth decide where you go when you die. I wonder how many people really believe that? I want to be happy here on earth but i want the reward of Heaven. Is that even possible? If it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get to Heaven, do we have a chance? We may not be Oprah rich but compared to the rest of the world, we are rich.

Do we put earthly happiness above the afterlife? Is it worth it? I mean, 80 years compared to eternity makes me stop and think. For Protestants it is easy. Simply believe and you get to Heaven. I think it's a lot more complicated than that. You have to believe and live that belief. I don't think too many people do that.

Either way, come the end we will find out. I hope that i get to prove myself correct because an eternity in hell does not sound very fun.

This one cracked me up


12 March 2009

Remember, effective communication can prevent a lot of problems

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.

Crusty old biker

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the Country, walks into a tavern and sees a Sign hanging over the bar, which reads:

CHEESEBURGER $2.50
HAMBURGER $2.25
CHICKEN SANDWICH $3.50
HAND JOB $500.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary Payment, he walks up to the bar and Beckons to the exceptionally attractive Female bartender serving drinks to a Meager looking group of farmers. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing Smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the old Biker, "are you the young lady who Gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she smiles and purrs, "I sure am."

The old biker replies, "Well wash Your hands real good because I Want a cheeseburger".