09 February 2009


i decided to upgrade my life. I recently went from Girlfriend 3.0 to Fiance 1.0

The cost of the upgrade is astronomical. I found that when upgrading to Fiance 1.0 the currency changes from US dollars to Carat Weight. In this particular instance, the more weight the better. You must also apply the Gold Standard.

I debated on this issue for a while. After talking with friends and family it became clear to me that i was "institutionalized" and really didn't know how to act as a single man.

Seriously though, since she has been in my life, my life has been a lot better. So i am now engaged and the date is later this year. Our date is tentative as we have to go through the process of the Catholic church and that takes time. We decided to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Trivia question: Do you know why honeymoons are 6 days long? 7 days makes a hole weak. LOL

Which brings me to a new topic, Dating when your engaged.

When your just dating, you can get away with a lot of mistakes. When your engaged it seems dating becomes a test. For example: If you're sent to the video store to rent/buy a movie and she tells you to decide what to buy, you are embarking on a defining moment in your life. Take your time, call a friend of the opposite sex and get advice. Your ass best not show up with a shootem and killem movie or you have flunked. Me, i come back with an action movie for myself and Fireproof for us. You can say it, i know i am GOOD!!!!

I suggest planting listening devices throughout her house so you can hear her talking on the phone to her friends and find out what little adjustments you need to make. For Example: Just because you're engaged, it doesn't give you farting rights. I know it may come as a shocker to some but when you feel the urge, walk outside.

When you're engaged, the questions that you are asked have a hell of a lot more depth to them. For example: When you are just casually dating, any reply will usually suffice. She really doesn't want your opinion, she just wants to talk. When engaged and she tells you that a co-worker got her ass beat by her current boyfriend, the correct answer is not - Well i met her and can see why someone would tune her up. Playing it off as you were just joking, a very hard sell. Lesson Learned: Bash that sumbitch and swear that any man who acts like that should be horse whipped and then apologize for all men everywhere.

Another observation i have found is that city women are not used to a country boy's way of doing things. She had some box hedges planted in front of her house. She paid some landscaper to cut them down. He cut them and left the stumps in the ground and the stumps are already sprouting new growth. She tells me that she needs to remove the stumps. She offered to rent a stump grinder and i looked at her and told not to worry about it. i would have the stumps out by tomorrow night. She told me where her shovel and pick where at and i looked at her with this dumb look. I told her i would bring my own tools.

The next day i show up with my Dually and a chain. I back into her driveway jump out and hook the chain up. She realized what i was going to do about the time i got back in the truck. She almost fainted. After i pulled out the stump, she was amazed at how easy it was. She was worried it might pull up a sprinkler line or something. I told her not to worry about it cause i can fix anything i break. By the time the job was done she was driving my truck pulling the stumps and had me shagging the chain. I must say that there isn't anything cuter than a little bitty women in a big ole dually pulling stumps.


Mulligan said...

congrats ?

canivalpo said...

what'd I tell ya about my dream?

armed_and_christian said...

Keep up the good work, Ray! May God continue to bountifully bless you with His very best.

Cody said...

Congrats...Jenn and I are getting married soon (most likely the end of the year) and have to go through the classes with the church etc...Haven't heard from you in a while, hope all is well. Give me a call sometime, wouldn't mind hearing from ya!

Anonymous said...

I must say......she does look good pullin on them stumps! Mine anyways.