Funny as hell

Needs a little grille work.



The truth usually hurts, but hey, it is the truth.



Sometimes, you just have to let the world know how you feel. Buddy, get used to asking "Do you want frys with that?"



I am sure my Brother will get a kick out of this one.

Interesting but useless facts

1. Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle.

2. In America you will see an average of 500 advertisements a day.

3. It's illegal in Newcastle, WY to have sex in a butcher shop's meat freezer.

4. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.

5. Jaguars are frightened by dogs.

6. Holland has the densest population per square mile of any nation in the world.

7. In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.

8. It takes about 48 hours for your body to completely digest the food from one meal.

9. It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

10. Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil.

11. Human tapeworms can grow up to 22.9m.

12. It's been estimated that one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple.

13. In Atlanta, GA, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

14. Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.

15. It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

16. In Britain, failed suicides were hanged in the 19th century.

17. If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, Nebraska his or her parents may be arrested.

18. It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound.

19. In a lifetime the average US resident eats more than 50 tons of food and drinks more than 13,000 gallons of liquid.

20. In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

21. Hamsters blink one eye at a time.

22. If a person has two thirds of their liver removed through trauma or surgery, it will grow back to the original size in four weeks time.

23. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

24. In Arkansas it is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.

25. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal humans neck.

26. Hondas and Toyotas are the most frequently stolen passenger cars because they have parts that can be readily exchanged between model years without a problem.

27. In 1386, a pig was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.

28. Humans are the only animals that use a smile as an emotional response.

29. When a small amount of liquor were placed on a scorpion, it would instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

30. Homosexuality remained on the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental illnesses until 1973.

My two favorite things

I have to tell you that this here is a women after my heart. My two favorite things, boobs and bacon. Damn, i could stay busy for hours.

Take her out camping and make her stand next to the fire? Hot sizziling bacon grease titties. Whooo Hooo

The beauty forgotten

I was awake about 0400 this morning. I was lying there with nothing better to do and the news was just beating a dead horse about Obama. I decided i would hit the town and go to this little dive diner i know for breakfast. It was just before 0600. You know the twilight time. The sunrise was an hour out, it was 70 degrees, a purple hue was coming across the western sky.

I was driving around downtown Odessa and i had to stop. I had to stop to take it all in. To look around and realize what i was looking at. It was simply beautiful.

Odessa is a blue collar oilfield town. Everyone who works the oil patch has early starting days. We have already been over 100 degrees this week. Most oil patchers start their day about 0500 and by 1400 their 8 is in.

0600 and everyone who is out and about are oil patchers. The retail shops are closed but all the oil field shops are open. Supply houses, service companies, the people out are those working stiffs. The people who are a drain on society are just going to bed. I would venture that there is no crime rate at this hour.

I wasn't paying attention and i passed a cop. I looked down and i was going 50 downtown. The cop just waved. I think he was enjoying the morning as much as i was.

A desert sunrise is a beautiful thing to behold. It is dry and arid. 70 degrees here is very cool. I enjoyed a lazy breakfast and strolled on in to work. I have a feeling it will be a good day.

Morality issues

Today i am in a weird mood. Today marks 4 months since i lost Ruth. The experience has been agonizing and left me without answers several times. I do look at things from a different perspective now.

In the 11 years we were together, Ruth experienced both sides of me. When we met i was wild and carefree. My Dad figured i would end up knifed or shot in some bar. During our 11 years, my Godson helped put me back on the path to Catholicism. Well, my Parents and other family members praying helped a lot also.

I am not the same person i was 11 years ago. Ruth helped to forge my beliefs and Morality and also helped guide me in the right direction. I have the feeling that she did all this for some reason. I have often said i would not want to be single in today's world and now look at me.

Being single isn't that bad or hard. Being Catholic is easy. Being Catholic and single is another story. For many years i have talked to people about doing the right thing and living a good life. Now it's my turn to live what i have been preaching. It is not easy. I believe that this is what Ruth helped to forge in me. Some day i would be called to put up or shut up. I will put up.

I am true to my beliefs and i try to live a good life. I am not a righteous man nor am i worthy. I am a believer who needs help with his un-beliefs. I will not go out of my way to go to a casino, but if i find myself in one i will partake of rolling the bones. I do not think it is sinful as it does not control me. I like beer and i drink when the mood strikes. It does not control me so i think i am OK. I try not to judge but sometimes its hard not to. I try to treat everyone as i wish to be treated, except telemarketers.

You may be asking why i am saying all this. I don't know. It is what i feel like typing. Every decision we make is based on historical facts that we know. If you have been burnt by fire, you decide not to touch the fire because you know it hurts. I try to remember this when someone makes a decision i think is, wrong. We do not know what drives other people. We need to walk that mile in their shoes before we pass judgement. Remember this when you look at me and ask yourself, why did he do that. I say all this to pose two scenarios to you. I solicit your responses.

A person goes to the doctor. The doctor tells them that they have Diabetes, Respiratory distress, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and an enlarged heart. All of this is preventable and manageable with diet, exercise, stop smoking and take these pills.
The person is given prescriptions and has them filled, but they sit on the table untouched. Without the meds, death is imminent. The person decides they would rather be dead than have to take pills for the rest of their life. What is the morality of that decision?

2ND scenario, a guy is driving around checking pump jacks. He comes upon 3 vehicles kind of in a circle. There is a couple of dead bodies laying around. They are in the middle of no where. He checks the vehicles and finds a guy still alive in one of the trucks. This guy is shot and bleeding badly. The guy gets back in his truck and drives away thinking it isn't none of his business. What is the morality of that decision?

The two scenarios are different yet tied together. One is about letting ones life pass and the 2nd is about letting anothers life pass. Is it Ok to control your destiny and not someone elses?

Jokes

What is a Yankee?

Same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

About 45 pounds.


How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

It's not hard.


What is the difference between purple and pink?


The grip.


How do texans practice safe sex?

They spray paint an X on the backs of the sheep that kick.


What is the difference between a golf ball and a G-Spot?


A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

The homie and 17 briquets

My buddy Rohmie the Homie called me the other nights and asked what i was doing. I told him nothing, just planning on grilling and watching a flick. I had to run some errands and i would give him a call and see if we meet later.

I take care of my errands, call Rohmie the Homie and he says he will come over, we will cookout and watch a flick. I am sitting there when i smell charcoal and hear a knock on the door. In walks Rohmie the Homie and we are chatting. He said he had already lit his pit so he brought it with him.

Let me interject a little history here. I want to talk about people who are cheap. I have seen some of the cheapest people in the world. I have always said that copper wire was invented with my Dad and Uncle fighting over a penny. My Dad and Uncle would be considered big spenders compared to my Brother. My Brother has actually requested change for a quarter to leave a tip. Tight, just plain tight. Rohmie the Homie ranks up there with my Brother.

Rohmie the Homie didn't want to waste his charcoal so he brought the pit with him. I say no problem, let me get my steak and we will throw them on the pit. Well, i couldn't. You see, Rohmie the Homie only had 17 briquet's in the pit. Yes, 17. I counted them. He would put his steak over the briquettes and when it was almost cooked, he would move the steak to the side and place the sausage over the 17 briquettes. As he was explaining this to me, i almost pissed myself from laughing.

I am what some would call frugal, but i would never count out 17 briquettes for a BBQ pit. That is just plain damn cheap.