The hands of time

The hands of time keep on tick tocking away and the world does not stop for your pain or anguish. It just keeps tick tocking away without a care in the world. Impervious to our needs or wants, time will take its toll on every one and every thing.

Yesterday we buried my good friend's wife. At age 44, she lost to cancer. Now my friend and I are both Knights of Columbus and very devoted to our church. We are in my opinion educated in our Catholic Faith. We don't ask "Why did God do this to us?" We know those answers. We know that people will die. We acknowledge that all Love ends in heartache. However, knowing the answers doesn't ease the grief, pain and loss. It will take time to ease the pain. The tick tocking must go on.

The Knights of Columbus were requested to maintain vigil while Sue was lying in Repose at our church. While i was at the vigil in the wee hours of the morning, i spent i guess too much time reflecting on my life and my mortality. Everyone expects to be old when they pass. I questioned if my soul would pass muster if i perished today. These are hard questions to answer. Here is the part that freaked me out. As Christians we believe that when we die, we will stand face to face with Christ and be judged. We believe that our souls depart our bodies and go to where they were intended to go. The scary part is the extremely thin line between life and death.

You can be sitting there one minute and dead the next. There is no " Do Overs " When your done, your done. I only hope that i can get my stuff together and be prepared for death.

This is the first funeral i have been to since my Grandmother passed away. It has been 15 plus years since i attended a funeral. I have never cared about death. I accepted it as a matter of fact. Death never scared me. I never really thought about it. To me it was something i chalked up as "shit happens". This funeral made me realize that funerals are for the living. Those left behind carry a tremendous burden. The grief and pain must be overwhelming. I saw a family put through more than i care to imagine.

I have decided that funerals are too painful for the loved ones and i want my funeral to be simple. I don't want the congregation to tell my family more than once they are sorry for their loss. I say this because at Sue's funeral, the funeral director had the congregation offer our condolences to the family on 3 different occasions. I do not want this. When i die, prep the body and set me at the church for people to say their goodbye's. After that, button the lid and plant me. I think it should be short and sweet. I would like to have an ice chest full of beer by the casket so my friends could give me a toast and revel in a life well spent.

I don't think i will attend another funeral for sometime. I hope i don't have to anyway. I know that life is short and i want to make some changes in my life. I want to be judged to have lived a full and purposeful life. I don't want people to wonder if i made it to Heaven, i want them to be able to look at how i lived and know i made it to Heaven. I want to give more than i receive, forgive more than i hate, Love like it won't end in heartache and be a friend to those that need one. It will not be easy, but that is my goal.