02 November 2008

The third person

He goes to bed that cold fall night thinking of her. He sets his clocks back one hour to conform with the end of Daylight Savings Time. He can't believe that she is gone. Gone forever. No phone call, no one last chance to say I Love You, simply gone. The tears well up in his eyes as he drifts off too sleep.

This is the time when he lost her. The Winter days are shorter and he already longs for Summer. Fall is just started and he is hating the holidays and the winter season. He just wants the warmth of the sunlight back. He misses her. His heart is heavy.

He awakens early that Sunday morning. He looks at the clock and it is 0300. The moon is full and the moonlight cascades in thru the blinds. His dreams were filled with her and he can not sleep. He walks out on the back deck with cold beer and contemplates drinking it. He decides what the fuck. Drink it. He chases that beer with a shot of Crown. The whiskey going down his throat warms him. He stares at his garden.

He planted the garden last spring. He was bored and she had all these potting plants and pots. He pulled out all the plants and planted vegetables in the pots. They were lined up along the fence so the sprinkler would water them every other day. They produced a lot of vegetables and he had shared them with his friends. He longed for the day that he planted them.

He stares at the two trees that they planted on Arbor day. The leaves are gone and they look like twigs sticking out of the ground. Many times he thought about pulling them up. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. They reminded him of her and her Love for him. He remembers the smile on her face when he dug the holes for them. She carefully paced off the distance from the house and the fence to have them in the perfect spot in the back yard. Those two stupid trees meant a lot to her. At the time they planted them, they were an obstacle for mowing. He wished she was still here to see them. A tear rolls down his cheek.

He is sitting in a green lawn chair in his skives staring at his makeshift garden. Noticing the leaves falling and the barren stalks and his mind starts to wonder. He has a fresh beer in his left hand and a bottle of crown in his right. He is oblivious to his surroundings. His mind drifts off to an episode of M.A.S.H.

It is the spring and Father John Francis Patrick Mulcahy had planted a garden. He tends to his garden and in due time it yields home grown vegetables. They have fresh corn and peas and such and they enjoy the summer in Korea. The shows moves forward to winter and they celebrate the holidays. When New Years rolls around Colonel Potter comes in dressed as Baby New Year and gives a toast to the upcoming year and prays for Peace Talks and the War's end. As the show ends the camera pans out to the garden in its barren state and only stalks and the remnants of a scarecrow remain. It reminds him of his life. It was once full of life and growth and now all he can focus on is the remnants of what once was. A scarecrow in tattered clothing brings thoughts of his own existence to mind. Is that what he is? A scarecrow in a decomposing garden hoping for spring once again.

In the distance he hears a beeping sound. As he drifts back to reality he realizes that the sound is his alarm clock going off at 0530. The normal time for the clock and as usual he is up before it goes off. He finishes the beer and debates on whether or not to go to church. He walks to the bedroom to silence the alarm. He can not focus and his mind is drifting. He simply misses his wife.

He lays back down in bed and pulls the covers up to warm his body. His mind is numb. He looks longingly at the spot where she used to lay. He prays for sleep but it will not come. He lays there staring at the ceiling holding a pillow wondering what the day holds in store for him.

What does this day hold in store for him? He misses his wife......

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow...reading this made my heart hurt and tears flow from my eyes. I am praying that God will provide you the comfort that you are searching for...let Him. Take rest in His shelter my brother.