1) A pellet rifle is not the preferred method of removing a stray kitten from a tree, according to some women. No matter that you damn near broke your neck climbing a ladder after the bastard and it kept going higher and it wouldn't shut up and was driving the dog crazy. In the end, the problem was solved, just not to her satisfaction.
2) No matter how polite you are or the nicest tone of voice you can muster, if you tell a grocery store clerk to check their insurance for sterility coverage because they are to stupid to reproduce, it will be frowned upon. It is best to bite your tongue, show the dumb ass how to make the correct change and walk out the door with a smile on your face.
3) Everything is relative. For example, if a senior citizen says something to you, you take it with a grain of salt. If your 6'5" and weigh 325 pounds, you may be accused of having road rage and being a bully behind the wheel. I just think i am aggressive and don't like idiots.
4) If you and your girlfriend are shopping and a scantily clad young women you recognize starts walking towards you, get the hell out of there. It is impossible to explain to your new girlfriend how you know Kandy who works at Jaguars Gentleman's Club. you are behind the 8 ball from the start, and you will dig a hole for yourself that is impossible to climb out of. The old "she is a friend of my niece" shit will not work.
5) If you introduce your new girlfriend to your friends, never, never under any circumstances get involved in a bet that you can fit your head in the glove compartment of your truck, or any vehicle for that matter. There is no positive outcome. Just walk away.
6) "These pants are fire proof" is the stupidest comment you can make when hanging out with your friends. everything burns when exposed to a torch. bet your paycheck on that.