Try to picture this. It is mid 1960's, Christmas Day in New Jersey. The snow on the ground has been there for several days. The snow has a grey hue from all the coal burning furnaces in the area. A little girl seven years old, the oldest of 7 kids, wakes up and goes down stairs to see what Santa Clause has brought. As the other kids scramble down the stairs her Mom and Dad come down. Mom walks into the kitchen to make coffee and there are some dirty dishes in the sink. Mom, who is known to go crazy from time to time, explodes with fury over the dirty dishes. She grabs the little girl and makes her sit in a chair and watch as her brothers and sisters open their gifts.
As the family is opening their gifts Mom goes about preparing Christmas dinner. The little girl is still sitting in the chair not allowed to move and scared to death. She has felt her Mothers wrath more than once. The family gathers around the table and has Christmas dinner. After dinner the little girl is sent to bed without opening her gifts or eating Christmas dinner. The little girl lies in bed crying. Her eyes are full of tears and her little heart starts to harden. She feels the hatred burn.
Fast Forward 8 years. The little girl is now 15 years old. She did something wrong and her Mom is beating her relentlessly. Her Father is sitting there watching. The neighbors hear the commotion and call the cops. The cops see the little girl all black and blue and they contact Childern Protective Services. That was the last time the little girl lived with her parents.
The girl was placed in Foster Care until she was 18. At 18 she was married and started a family of her own. She has two children and swears to make their lives 100 times better than what her childhood was like. By this time they are living in California and chasing the American dream. Life is normal. The little girl is now in her 30's. One evening while reading a book the phone rings. Her sister in Texas calls to tell her that their Mother passed away. She writes down the information and hangs up the phone. A single solitary tear rolls down her cheek and falls into her book. She is sadend yet relieved. She sends flowers to the funeral. She does not attend. All her Brothers and Sisters wondered if she would be there.
Fast Forward a few years. President Bush is replaced by President Clinton. The military cutbacks begin and she loses her job at Boeing. Her marriage is on the rocks and her children have grown and left the nest. Her marriage comes to a nasty end and she is on her own again. She calls her Dad in Texas and he comes and gets her. She stays with her Dad taking a break from life. She is relieved to be away from all the hustle and bustle.
She meets a guy. This guy is 6'5" and has a whole lot of show and a litle bit of go. He is recovering from a divorce as well as her and neither one of them are looking for anything more than some fun. They hang out, go to bars, go for rides on his Harley Chopper and in general just have fun. Life was good.
Somewhere along the way a fatal mistake was made. The guy and the girl spent so much time togather that they fell in Love. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. They get married and buy a house in Midland TX. Life is good.
Over the course of their marriage he gets to know her sisters and her brother. There are only 4 of the 7 children left. It is not a close family but they get along. He learns about her past and he understands why her heart is so hard at times. He does his best to understand and belives that he can warm her heart. Each Christmas gets better than the last. He is winning her over.
18 December 2007, she is decorating the tree and he is helping. He sits down and notices that she has a 1000 yard stare. He ask what she is thinking about. She says she was thinking about her childhood. They talk a while and he can tell she envys the childhood that he had. Tomorrow she was going Christmas shopping so she was excited. They go to bed with wonderful visions of Christmas 2007.
19 December 2007, 1425 hours his cell phone rings. They found her Father dead at his house and they can not get a hold of her. He secures his jobsite and heads to the mall to find her.
He calls the house and she answers. He breaks the news to her over the phone and rushes home to be with her. She is extremely upset. She calls her sisters and gets the details. Her Brother flies in from California and the family can not decide on which day to have the funeral. 2 of the kids want it on Christmas Eve and 2 of them want it on the day after Christmas. The funeral home agrees to a viewing on both days.
26 December 2007 they are home from the funeral chapel and she is sitting on the couch staring at their Christmas tree. She has her 1000 yard stare. He relizes that he can not overcome this obstacle and that Christmas will never be the same again. A single solitare tear runs down his cheek and falls on the keyboard as he types Happy Holidays.
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1 comment:
Unfortunately, many have spare baggage that includes Christmas memories that tear the heart. You bleed when you remember and you wonder how anyone can enjoy a time that has brought so much sadness and worry.
Overcoming the holiday anxiety may be impossible, but losing the spare baggage is important. I don't think you ever lose all of it, but you can lose enough to find the peace and love the holidays can bring. No matter what's thrown your way, you take it and make something good out of it.
Happy New Year!!
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