16 June 2011
A pastor gets false teth
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t talk for more than 8 minutes.
The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.
But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife’s teeth in and couldn’t shut up…
The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t talk for more than 8 minutes.
The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.
But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife’s teeth in and couldn’t shut up…
15 June 2011
Onward and upward
Well, I managed to complete my studies and graduated with an associates degree in Business. I also managed to maintain my 4.0
I have since completed one semester of my upper division classes and i must say they are a little bit more challenging. I recently completed Finance which is entirely based on TVM (Time Value of Money). It wasn't very fun. A whole damn lot of calculations and such.
All of my business core classes are completed so the rest of the classes are the cool stuff. I am currently taking Big Ideas in Science so we get to talk about evolution and other stuff. This should be a fun class to argue in.
I have since completed one semester of my upper division classes and i must say they are a little bit more challenging. I recently completed Finance which is entirely based on TVM (Time Value of Money). It wasn't very fun. A whole damn lot of calculations and such.
All of my business core classes are completed so the rest of the classes are the cool stuff. I am currently taking Big Ideas in Science so we get to talk about evolution and other stuff. This should be a fun class to argue in.
So wrong, but funny
We have a guy at work who has been dating the same girl for about eight (8) years. He just doesn't want to commit. We keep harassing him about but he just will not take the next step. So, we decided to help him along.
A couple of the guys gathered up a few engagement ring brochures and placed them strategically in his truck. Sure enough, the next day his girlfriend got in the truck and found one of the brochures.
She automatically assumed he was looking for an engagement ring and she of course announced her excitement. This put ole boy in a tight spot.
After he explained that the guys were playing a joke, he called everyone at the shop and cussed them out.
It may have been wrong, but it was funny as hell!!!
A couple of the guys gathered up a few engagement ring brochures and placed them strategically in his truck. Sure enough, the next day his girlfriend got in the truck and found one of the brochures.
She automatically assumed he was looking for an engagement ring and she of course announced her excitement. This put ole boy in a tight spot.
After he explained that the guys were playing a joke, he called everyone at the shop and cussed them out.
It may have been wrong, but it was funny as hell!!!
02 June 2011
Weight update
Since i have started my new lifestyle, i have lost 105 pounds. I started at 347 and got down to 242. i flucuate between 245 and 250. I have manged to keep it off for over a year so i think i got it beat. I haven't decided if i want to lose any more or not.
Can't stay out of trouble
Last Sunday, my wife's family had a little get together. Some of the family was in from Alaska so they all decided to have a pot luck gathering. I must say that this family can cook. It is worth going to just to eat!!
As usual, i only know the family that lives local so my Father-n-Law was introducing me to the family that i have never met. I learned that i have several titles according to FIL. I was introduced as "That no account son in law, my coonass son in law, and that guy my daughter drug home". Nice to know you're loved ain't it.
Well, my wife introduces me to cousin "skinny" (real names have been changed to protect the innocent). It seems that cousin skinny is an anorexic. I have never met one before.
A few hours later i was sitting alone and i started giggling. My wife and FIL come up and asked me what was so funny. I said "I'm gonna go up to cousin skinny and tell her that her ass is getting big"
From that point on i was not left alone. It seems that not everyone shares my sense of humor.
As usual, i only know the family that lives local so my Father-n-Law was introducing me to the family that i have never met. I learned that i have several titles according to FIL. I was introduced as "That no account son in law, my coonass son in law, and that guy my daughter drug home". Nice to know you're loved ain't it.
Well, my wife introduces me to cousin "skinny" (real names have been changed to protect the innocent). It seems that cousin skinny is an anorexic. I have never met one before.
A few hours later i was sitting alone and i started giggling. My wife and FIL come up and asked me what was so funny. I said "I'm gonna go up to cousin skinny and tell her that her ass is getting big"
From that point on i was not left alone. It seems that not everyone shares my sense of humor.
26 April 2011
F 350 Super Duty Dually
I cannot say enough good about my F-350. It is a 2002 model with the 7.3 liter diesel. Its pulling capability is AWESOME!!!!!!
The other day, i took possession of a 16', 20,000 pound rated dump trailer. Mt neighbor, James, has a hook up at the caliche pit. We were able to get it for $5 per ton. The caliche pit is 25 miles from the house so i figured i wanted to haul the maximum on each load. Makes sense, right?
We get there and weigh in. 14,700 for the truck and trailer. We pull over to get loaded and i assumed, incorrectly, that the loader had a 10 yard bucket. He dumped a heaping bucket in the trailer and i signaled to dump another bucket. He did.
When we went to leave, we had to go up about a 4 degree incline. I noticed that my truck was struggling. After i make it up the incline, we head to the scales. Side note, the person working the scale house, this was her first day. As we pulled on the scale, she told us we weighed 52,500 pounds. James and I looked at each other and said no way, that isn't possible. My wife asked me why i thought it was wrong and i told her that this truck couldn't move 52,000 pounds, the trailer is rated for 20,000 pounds and the hitch is rated for 30,000 pounds.
I get the load up to 50 MPH and James said to hold her steady at that speed. As we are driving along we hear a loud BOOM. My wife about come undone. We pull over and sure enough, we blew a tire. We are about 10 miles from the house so we limp along at 25 MPH hoping to make it home. About 2 miles down the road and BOOM. There goes another tire. This trailer is tandem wheeled, tandem axles. Both tires on one axle blew.
We call the tire place and they send someone out. He pulls up and throws is 10 ton jack under the axle. It will not lift it. He gets his 20 ton jack and it will not lift it. He looks at James and i and we just divert our eyes. Finally both jacks lift the axle and he is able to change the tires.
$340 dollars later and about 1.5 hours, we are making our way home, very slowly. During this time, we are beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, that scale was right.
When i get the load home, the dump bed will not budge. We have to use the tractor to unload what we can and we have to shovel the rest. After shoveling about half the load, the dump bed is able to raise up. 5 hours after we left home, we have the trailer emptied.
Our next two trips, we had the loader only load about 3/4 of a bucket and that gave us a total weight of 32,000 pounds.
What impressed me is that i have had my truck weighed and i know it weighs 8,000 pounds. That means that i had 44,500 pounds of trailer and caliche that i managed to pull. If that doesn't impress you, nothing will.
Could you imagine what would have happened if a cop had shown up? I can't even begin to imagine how many citations i would have received.
After all was said and done, i had 5 loads of caliche in my driveway and James had two. I figure i need about 15 more loads to finish my whole driveway.
On a good note, the tractor i bought worked fine. I picked up a Ford 600 series with a loader and shredder. The loader has a 3 foot bucket but that is about all the tractor could handle anyway. I got the tractor for a steal because the hydraulic rams on the loader was leaking. My other neighbor works for a hydraulic company so as of right now, the rams are torn apart and new seals should be in today. The tractor will be operational tonight at a cost of about $40.
The other day, i took possession of a 16', 20,000 pound rated dump trailer. Mt neighbor, James, has a hook up at the caliche pit. We were able to get it for $5 per ton. The caliche pit is 25 miles from the house so i figured i wanted to haul the maximum on each load. Makes sense, right?
We get there and weigh in. 14,700 for the truck and trailer. We pull over to get loaded and i assumed, incorrectly, that the loader had a 10 yard bucket. He dumped a heaping bucket in the trailer and i signaled to dump another bucket. He did.
When we went to leave, we had to go up about a 4 degree incline. I noticed that my truck was struggling. After i make it up the incline, we head to the scales. Side note, the person working the scale house, this was her first day. As we pulled on the scale, she told us we weighed 52,500 pounds. James and I looked at each other and said no way, that isn't possible. My wife asked me why i thought it was wrong and i told her that this truck couldn't move 52,000 pounds, the trailer is rated for 20,000 pounds and the hitch is rated for 30,000 pounds.
I get the load up to 50 MPH and James said to hold her steady at that speed. As we are driving along we hear a loud BOOM. My wife about come undone. We pull over and sure enough, we blew a tire. We are about 10 miles from the house so we limp along at 25 MPH hoping to make it home. About 2 miles down the road and BOOM. There goes another tire. This trailer is tandem wheeled, tandem axles. Both tires on one axle blew.
We call the tire place and they send someone out. He pulls up and throws is 10 ton jack under the axle. It will not lift it. He gets his 20 ton jack and it will not lift it. He looks at James and i and we just divert our eyes. Finally both jacks lift the axle and he is able to change the tires.
$340 dollars later and about 1.5 hours, we are making our way home, very slowly. During this time, we are beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, that scale was right.
When i get the load home, the dump bed will not budge. We have to use the tractor to unload what we can and we have to shovel the rest. After shoveling about half the load, the dump bed is able to raise up. 5 hours after we left home, we have the trailer emptied.
Our next two trips, we had the loader only load about 3/4 of a bucket and that gave us a total weight of 32,000 pounds.
What impressed me is that i have had my truck weighed and i know it weighs 8,000 pounds. That means that i had 44,500 pounds of trailer and caliche that i managed to pull. If that doesn't impress you, nothing will.
Could you imagine what would have happened if a cop had shown up? I can't even begin to imagine how many citations i would have received.
After all was said and done, i had 5 loads of caliche in my driveway and James had two. I figure i need about 15 more loads to finish my whole driveway.
On a good note, the tractor i bought worked fine. I picked up a Ford 600 series with a loader and shredder. The loader has a 3 foot bucket but that is about all the tractor could handle anyway. I got the tractor for a steal because the hydraulic rams on the loader was leaking. My other neighbor works for a hydraulic company so as of right now, the rams are torn apart and new seals should be in today. The tractor will be operational tonight at a cost of about $40.
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