01 March 2008

A revelation for me

Ricky called me and asked me to come over to his house tonight. He bought UFC 82 and it should be a good fight.

I am going to St. Louis on Sunday so i decided to go to church tonight. I wasn't really wanting to go. To be honest i had lost my desire to go to church. The passion seems to be gone.

I decided i would ride my motorcycle to church, go to Ruth's grave and put the sunflowers out and then go to Ricky's. For some unknown reason being at the cemetery at sunset seems to relax me. It is quite peaceful.

As i am sitting in the pew trying to pay attention, Father Bridges gets on a roll about healing. Father doesn't talk about physical healing but the healing of ones memories. This captures my attention and i am sitting there staring at him. He looked at me a couple of times and i swear he knew what i was thinking. Everything he said made perfect sense to me. It was like he was preaching to me. As Father Bridges is telling this story he looks at his watch and realizes he has been preaching for while. He said he would finish the Homily next week. I thought to myself, Dang, why doesn't he finish this?

After Mass i am riding my motorcycle on hwy 80 to Odessa. As i am riding i ask Jesus to heal my memories. I ask Him to push out the bad memories with happy ones. Then it hits me like a slap in the face. This pain and suffering i am going through is defining my character and the only way to know how much i truly loved Ruth was through i pain i felt with her loss. It is kind of like the old question, how do you prove the wind blows, listen to the leaves rustle.

All these thoughts and memories are running through my head and i ask Jesus not to remove these memories but to walk with me during these trying times in my life. I swear that i felt a calm come over me and i asked Him to rely a message to Ruth for me. After i was done talking to Ruth, i felt an inner peace i haven't felt before.

I spent about 30 minutes with Ruth and we watched the sunset. I said my goodbyes and felt, i don't want to say good, but i felt relieved. I went on to Ricky's house, stayed a couple of hours and came home.

It is my opinion that i was at a defining point in my life. The decisions i made would define me. I didn't ask to be relived of my burden, i asked Jesus to help me carry it. He responded that he would. Once again Father Bridges has come through for me. My passion is back and i look forward to being a part of my church.

God brought me through this for a reason. He didn't test me, he simply proved that i trust in Him. Maybe in the future i will help someone through a trying time, or simply be there for someone. I don't know the answer but i am not afraid of the question any more.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad your eyes and ears are still open, may they never close, no matter how rough it becomes. When a person closes both, I suppose it could ruin a person for life, or eternity.

It has suprised me many times how going to church, (even on vacation) and listening, like to Father Bridges, when something has really been bothering me that there may be one statement said that makes a click, oh yeah, now I get it.

Makes me very sad when people I know stop going to church. Mainly cause they close their eyes and ears. Many saying, If there is a God then WHY??? So there must not be.

Oh, it is hard to think Jesus was rejected, yeah I was rejected, but Jesus has the best stuff. How can my rejection compare? Yeah it still hurts, but it has not killed me yet.

As you pointed out will we were talking, Jesus askes us to love and get along with one another. If we were to do that then life would be great, even when hard.

Eyes open, head high, catch you later Ray

BIG D

canivalpo said...

I couldn't imagine you handling what you've gone through differently. And you probably will help someone in the future. It's easy and comes natural to you. You were there for me and helped me more than you'll ever know and more than I can ever say, "thank you Ray". So glad to hear that God placed you there in your church and inspired Father Bridges to give you the message that you needed. We look forward to seeing you soon Boss. Hope you have found the peace you've sought out and praying that the Lord continue to guide you and walk with you everyday of your life. Thanks for sharing your feelings and allowing us to be a part of it.

Anonymous said...

Jesus said that He would never leave us nor forsake us, and I'm glad that you took Him up on that.

You are absolutely correct in recognizing that the hurt comes in direct proportion to your love, and that pain helps define and grow our character & spirituality.

I'm still praying for you, bro.