10 January 2008

What a Conundrum

It was a terrible nightmare, the most horrible one you could imagine. In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I’m circumcised! Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo - and it was that same color. Black. No, no, God no, it can’t be!! I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it’s a wheelchair!!

That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I’m also disabled!!! I said to myself, aloud “This is impossible. It’s impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.”

“It’s the pure and holy truth”, whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it’s my Boyfriend. Just what I needed!!! I am a homosexual whore and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Sonofabitch!!!! Oh, my God…..Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH, noooooo…I’m Bald!!!

The telephone rings. It’s my brother. He is saying, “Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap. Any job.” Mom?… Dad?…Nooooooooo… Now I’m also an unemployed orphan!

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn’t get it. Frustrated, I hang up.

It’s then I realize I only have one hand!!! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere .

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker… Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, “Sweetiepie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary?

Hillary or Barack?

Sonofabitch! Say it isn’t so!!! I can handle being a black disabled one armed drug addicted Jewish queer on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, and now you’re tellimg me I’m a Democrat?!?

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