Can someone answer this for me

I'm confused .. how can 2 million blacks get into Washington DC in sub zero temps in 1 day when 200,000 couldn't get out of New Orleans at 85 degrees with four days notice.

I'm Back

I had the wonderful experience of going to Indianapolis Indiana for two days of ass time training. I am all for training, but i am totally against sending a West Texas boy to Indianapolis when it is -5 degrees out side. I damn near froze to death.

As i was flying out of Midland International Airport i was on AA so we flew a crop duster turbo prop with duct tape on the wing to Dallas TX. In Dallas we switched to a large body aircraft which didn't have anymore room than the damn crop duster. Naturally i get stuck next to the person who has no concept of personal hygiene or the talker who will not shut the fuck up. This trip i get the talker.

The pilot said we were somewhere over Arkansas and this guy hadn't shut the hell up. Finally he looked at me and asked where i was going, i replied

"The same damn place your going, Duh"

"No, why are you going to Indianapolis?"

"To get my kids. I just got released this morning from the Federal Pen in Dallas and that cunt thinks she can keep my kids from me. Her day is fixin to get fucking ruined"

Apparently the thought of sitting next to a paroled convict didn't appeal to him. He actually squirmed a little closer to the window and decided he didn't want to talk to me but curiosity got the better of him, and so he asked...


"So what did you do to go to prison?"

I replied " What i did has nothing to do with what i was convicted of. If you must know, it was murder 1. I seem to have a real problem with people who annoy me."

You could see the blood drain from his face. It was all i could do to not laugh. I had to look away so i decided to have a little fun so i lean over real close to him and kinda whisper:

"Don't worry, the shrink said if i stay on my medication, the mood swings should stay in check. The problem is that it is time to take my pill but i can't do it dry. I need a coke or something but the gotdamn flight bitches won't come around and i refuse to deal with that faggot attendant. I can't stand faggots and this waiting shit is starting to drive me fucking nuts!"

That nice man excused himself and went and got me a coke free of charge. I faked taking a pill and reclined my chair back. He never said another word on the rest of the flight.

Sometimes i crack myself up.

Aggrevation

Dear Sir, I am in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I have filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I have had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I have had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I would be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

SHIT!
I apologize, I am really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes working there! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I would sure as hell not want to tell anyone! Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that would be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You would rather have us running all over the fucking place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we are not allowed to smile?! (fucking morons)Hey, you know why we can't smile? We are totally pissed off! Signed - An irate fucking Citizen.P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 . I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang. However, I have to get someone important to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA

My first condom

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was so dumb -struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?', she asked. I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted...

You know your from Louisiana when:

Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside, even in December.
-You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads
-You don't look twice when you see pink flamingos in yards of nice subdivisions during Mardi Gras.
-You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils.
-Your ancestors are buried above the ground .
-You drink Community Coffee, have tried Starbucks, but don't see what all the fuss is about. (YEAH!!!)
-You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco.
-Every once in a while, you have waterfront property .
-You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, 'Don't eat the dead ones,' and you know what he means.
-You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
-You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
-Little old ladies push YOU out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads .
-You believe that purple, green , and gold look good together.
-Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
-You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
-Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.
-Your house payment is less than your utility bill.
-You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
-Your grandparents are called 'Maw-Maw' and 'Paw-Paw.'
-Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.
-You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a 'New Orleans-based' movie or TV show.
-You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.
-You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer.
-When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.
-You've eaten at one or more of these restaurants, AND know how to pronounce them: Prejeans, Tu Jac 's, Gallatoire's, Ralph & Kacoo's, Brunet's, or Mulatte's.
-You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten.
-You call home just to find out what your momma'nem are having for supper tonight.

Something i can't understand

The other day me and the guys were out in a refinery doing some work. A chemical released and when i smelled it i thought it was pungent. One of the other guys thought it smelled good. This got me to thinking.





What something smells like doesn't change from person to person. The smell doesn't change but the perception of the smell changes. Take a pear for example. The pear is giving off a chemical and when we smell it we recognize that smell as a pear. What if someone thinks it stinks. The chemical emanating from the pear doesn't change but the perception of the smell does change.





What causes this. Why does different people smell the same thing and have different interpretations on the like or dislike of the smell.





It is the same way with sight. Two people can look at the same painting and one will like it and the other will not. Thomas Kincaid painting are a good example. Whether or not you like his painting depends on your preference of lights. You look at the painting and determine whether or not you like it. You can't do that with a smell can you?





Lets say you are doing a blind smell test. You are given a liquid to smell to determine if you like it or not. If they told you it was the puss secreted from a homosexual's penis who is infected with aids, you would probably hate the smell. If they told you it was some new botanical recently discovered in the Amazon, you would probably like the smell. Too me it would depend on the mental image you got to determine whether or not you liked the smell.





So lets say they gave you two jars to smell. They told you one was the puss and the other the botanical. Would you even smell the puss? Probably not because we judge a book by its cover.





Since we tend to judge things based on sight, look at the below photograph. I would like to know if you think this person grew up to be straight or homo. Pay close attention to the hair. Would that be considered butch?

90 minutes in heaven

My GF bought a book titled 90 Minutes in Heaven and so i decided to read it. It turns out to be a fairly good read. It is about a Baptist minister from Alvin TX who is in a very horrendous auto accident. The paramedics declare him dead on the scene and move on to other victims. Another Baptist Preacher shows up and starts singing and praying over Don's body and Don started singing with him. The Preacher jumped out of the car was shocked. The paramedics then extricate Don from the wreckage and take him to the hospital. He apparently survives as he wrote the book.

Don talks about being outside Heaven and being greeted by all the people he knew and had passed. He met people who influenced him and helped him become a Preacher and a Christian. He devotes a whole chapter to being right outside the gates of Heaven and looking in. This is what got me to thinking....

As a Catholic, we believe that upon our death we will meet Jesus and be judged. After the judgement we will then go to Heaven, Hell or Purgatory. What struck me as odd was that when Don died, he never met Jesus or was inside Heaven. Why is this? We will come back to it.

My understanding is that most Christians believe that upon their death they meet Jesus and are judged. I have looked into Near Death Experiences and all of the ones who claim to have gone to Heaven never met Jesus. Either Christianity is wrong or they never actually died. One has to be the right answer wouldn't you think?

Then i started looking at it from a Catholic perspective. As a Catholic, we believe that very few people are sinless enough to go straight to Heaven without a purification period, thus purgatory. We also believe that upon your death, you are judged by Jesus. Now we know that the Near Death Experience people and Don never met Jesus so did they really see Heaven?

Could it be that God decided he needed Don and the NDE people to work a little harder and brought them to Heaven just to see that it really exist? Maybe these people were about to commit some grave sin that would keep them from Heaven so God woke them up to what they might be missing. I find it impossible to believe that God would make a mistake by taking these peoples lives and then saying sorry and send them back to Earth. Believing that God doesn't make mistakes, we must assume they saw Heaven for another reason. I wonder if they ever thought about it like that?

If this happened to me, i would do an in depth conscious examination and try to find out what he was trying to tell me.