23 January 2009

I'm Back

I had the wonderful experience of going to Indianapolis Indiana for two days of ass time training. I am all for training, but i am totally against sending a West Texas boy to Indianapolis when it is -5 degrees out side. I damn near froze to death.

As i was flying out of Midland International Airport i was on AA so we flew a crop duster turbo prop with duct tape on the wing to Dallas TX. In Dallas we switched to a large body aircraft which didn't have anymore room than the damn crop duster. Naturally i get stuck next to the person who has no concept of personal hygiene or the talker who will not shut the fuck up. This trip i get the talker.

The pilot said we were somewhere over Arkansas and this guy hadn't shut the hell up. Finally he looked at me and asked where i was going, i replied

"The same damn place your going, Duh"

"No, why are you going to Indianapolis?"

"To get my kids. I just got released this morning from the Federal Pen in Dallas and that cunt thinks she can keep my kids from me. Her day is fixin to get fucking ruined"

Apparently the thought of sitting next to a paroled convict didn't appeal to him. He actually squirmed a little closer to the window and decided he didn't want to talk to me but curiosity got the better of him, and so he asked...

"So what did you do to go to prison?"

I replied " What i did has nothing to do with what i was convicted of. If you must know, it was murder 1. I seem to have a real problem with people who annoy me."

You could see the blood drain from his face. It was all i could do to not laugh. I had to look away so i decided to have a little fun so i lean over real close to him and kinda whisper:

"Don't worry, the shrink said if i stay on my medication, the mood swings should stay in check. The problem is that it is time to take my pill but i can't do it dry. I need a coke or something but the gotdamn flight bitches won't come around and i refuse to deal with that faggot attendant. I can't stand faggots and this waiting shit is starting to drive me fucking nuts!"

That nice man excused himself and went and got me a coke free of charge. I faked taking a pill and reclined my chair back. He never said another word on the rest of the flight.

Sometimes i crack myself up.


armed_and_christian said...

LOL!! Ray, you're amazing. I can't believe that you came to Indy and didn't let me know. Seriously, bro, next time you're here drop me an e-mail and let's get together. I usually do my drinking and cigar smoking at home, but I'd be happy to make an exception for you. Heck, if we're lucky, I might just be able to convinve my Princess to be our Designated Driver and leave the kids at home.

Jon said...

I have nothing to write that compares to your genius.

canivalpo said...

you're such a shit head :-)