Newspaper ads

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8-years old. Hateful little bastard.. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog. able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

COWS: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale...

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby..

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. And the best one?:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything

Best quote of the year

“As an American I am not so shocked that Obama was given the Nobel Peace Prize without any accomplishments to his name, but that America gave him the White House based on the same credentials.”

**Newt Gingrich**

Some one liners

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn’t work that way.. So I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

I was walking down the road and saw my Afghanistan neighbor Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, “What’s wrong, Abdul? Won’t it start?”

Integrity

I am taking a business ethics class and we are talking about integrity. Of course, everyone has their opinion about ethics and integrity. In the class we are given scenarios and asked if we think the person is acting ethical or not.

Me being the type of person that i am, i like to explore the topic a little further and try to come up with a not-so-mainstream answer.

To start off with, i had to define integrity. Webster defines integrity as:1 completeness; wholeness, 2 unimpaired condition; soundness, 3 honesty, sincerity. I define integrity as doing the right thing.

I put forth the argument that a person can in fact break the law and still have integrity. Just because a person breaks the law or the rules, doesn't mean they are being unethical. Needless to say it sparked a lot of conversation. Some people just can't see the reality that is life.

Look out rednecks, the secret is out!!!

I was surfing the net and found this article. I just knew it was bound to happen sometime. It had to. All you people out there who enjoy banging farm animals, your gig is up. You better stop before this happens to you.

Not surprising

Glenn Beck put up a graph that showed past presidents, and the percentage of each president’s cabinet appointees who had previously worked in the private sector.You know– a real life business, not a government job?

Roosevelt – 38%
Taft – 40%
Wilson – 52%
Harding – 49%
Coolidge – 48%
Hoover – 42%
FDR – 50%
Truman – 50%
Eisenhower – 57%
Kennedy – 30%
LBJ – 47%
Nixon – 53%
Ford – 42%
Carter – 32%
Reagan – 56%
GHWB – 51%
Clinton – 39%
GWB – 55%
And the Winner of the Chicken Dinner is…Obama – 8%

YES, THAT’S CORRECT… EIGHT PERCENT!And these are the guys holding a “JOB SUMMIT” recently. That ought to go really well!

I’m gonna go out on a limb here, I know, but I’m gonna go ahead and predict…Mr ‘Knowitall’ doesn’t need or want any advice on how to best destroy an economy.

Starner Jones, MD

Dear Sirs:
“During my last night’s shift in the ER, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient with an expensive shiny gold tooth, multiple elaborate expensive tattoos, a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and a new cellular telephone equipped with her favorite R&B tune for a ringtone. Glancing over the chart, one could not help noticing her payer status: Medicaid. She smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and, somehow, still has money to buy beer.
And our Congress expects me to pay for this woman’s health care? Our nation’s health care crisis is not a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. It is a crisis of culture ˜ a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on vices while refusing to take care of one’s self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. A culture that thinks “I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me”. Life is really not that hard. Most of us reap what we sow. Don’t you agree?
STARNER JONES, MDJackson, MS