When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn’t work that way.. So I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.
I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”
I was walking down the road and saw my Afghanistan neighbor Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, “What’s wrong, Abdul? Won’t it start?”