Engineers

Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus whenone said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineerreplied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want. ”The secondengineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good call ; the clothes probablywouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Take Three

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for aparticularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s withthose guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctorchimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word withhim.” He said, “Hello, George! What’s wrong with that group ahead ofus? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire lastyear, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. Ithink I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said,“Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague to see ifthere’s anything he can do for them”. The engineer said, “Why can’tthey play at night?”

Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”The graduate with a business degree asks, “How much will it cost?”The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries withthat?”

Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineersbelieve that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to himand said,” If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” Hebent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back intoa beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineertook the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to thepocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into aPrincess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.”Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it backinto his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m abeautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and doanything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look,I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talkingfrog, now that’s cool.”