01 January 2009

Welcome, 2009

I am glad 2008 is behind me. One more month and i close the darkest chapter of my life. I promised her and myself that i would mourn for 1 year. I wouldn't do anything more than date and i wouldn't make any commitments until the anniversary of her passing. I even spent New Years Eve at home alone and was in bed by 2200.

December 31, 1998 was the original date of our marriage but we celebrated our anniversary on another date. It would have been 10 years. When we got married in the church, we changed our anniversary to that date.

Girl Friend had to work last night so i was glad to be alone. I thought back to 1998 and how happy i was that night. My Dad was my best man and my brother brought a date to the wedding. Like bringing gasoline to fire but he eventually married her and she is a pretty cool sister-n-law. I don't see them very much as i am 700 miles away but such is life. I wish i was closer to home.

Looking back i didn't think that "Till death do us part" would be so damn quick. I understand that death is a part of life and that we will all experience the pain of loosing someone who is close to us. I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with it. I turned to God and let him influence me in my decisions through prayer. My Brother Knights of Columbus has been an inspiration and a Godsend. They have seen me in the worst of times and the best of times. Out of this i found that i have 3 bestes good friends in the world, Johnny Lee, Mardy and Ricky. These three men continue to help me through the rough times. I am blessed.

Today i was out and about and the GF called me and asked me to come over. I go over and we are just talking and enjoying each others company. She is cooking some black eyed peas and rice. When it is done she mixes them together and offers me a bowl. I decline. She ask me why i don't want black eyed peas on New years to bring me luck. I told her that last New Years Day i had black eyed peas and it didn't turn out to be too lucky for me. She looks me in the eyes and kissed me and said "I don't know, we met didn't we?"

How can you argue with that? She is good. After i left her house i decided that since i buried Ruth on February 2nd 2008, as of February 2nd, 2009 i would close that chapter in my life and move on. I laid her to rest and i will put our life together to rest. I do not plan on talking about it any more and i am going to look forward and stop looking back. I have done my part and it is time for me to move forward. I will hold her in the solitude of my heart and get busy living like she wanted. She will be missed.

That is my only resolution. I plan to make it work. I hope you all have a Happy New Year and i look forward to 2009.


That is my only resolution this year. I think it is enough.


armed_and_christian said...

I've been praying for you a lot this year, Ray. I can't imagine what you've gone through, and when I try to, I just sit down a bawl like a baby.

I hope all works out well with G/F. I have to rest on God's perfect character, and know that He has something incredible planned for you, since it is obvious that He didn't wire you to jump up and join the priesthood this year. :)

Ray said...

Thank you for the prayers, i really needed them. I talked to my Priest about joining but he didn't think i had the right temperment for the Priesthood.