A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prime librarian,
‘Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?’
She stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,
‘Buzz off, ye’ll no bring it back!’
A man took his dog to the cinema. At the end of the film the dog applauded.“That’s amazing,” said the usherette.“Yes, it is,” said the man. “He didn’t think much of the book.